Obadiah Grey
Obadiah Grey
May 20, 2023

'To the left of kathmandu'

To the left of kathmandu
sat a man bereft one shoe,
was one sandal shod
so he said to God
"oh Lord this just won't do,
I've holed my soul
and my begging bowl
has up n now gone missin,
and it's my mishap
that I've trod in crap,

and I've got no pot
to piss in".

Obadiah.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: int'topfield, GBR

Favorite Poets: Felix Dennis

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem 'To the left of kathmandu' is a quirky and humorous piece, with a clear and concise message. The use of rhyme and rhythm throughout the poem helps to create a playful and bouncy tone. The imagery used to describe the man's predicament is vivid and adds to the overall lightheartedness of the poem.

One line edit suggestion could be to change "up n now" to "now up and". This would help to improve the flow of the line and make it easier to read.

Overall, the poem is enjoyable and entertaining, with a clever use of language and a memorable message. However, the use of slang and informal language may not be suitable for all readers, and could potentially detract from the poem's overall impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Ruby Lord

Oh Obi, you brought a smile to my face and a giggle to my mouth. Absolutely brilliant, I love it, straight forward, use of language and the dialect was divine. The topic as always, humorous and low, so low, I'll never be able to limbo beneath the bar you set, Pal. Ruby :)

Geezer

You've done it again! Your little ditties always make me smile. ~ Geez.
.

Leslie

Katmandu is an interesting backdrop. I wish that I could pop them off like you, but give it some time.

S

sounds like the kind of days i have lol