Clentin
Feb 07, 2024
This poem is part of the challenge:

02/24 Under The Influence

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Under The Influence

Too much alcohol
Creates A false sense of joy
Makes us prisoners

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

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neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "Under The Influence," effectively uses the haiku structure, adhering to the traditional 5-7-5 syllable count. The theme of alcohol's deceptive allure and its potential to imprison those who overindulge is clearly communicated.

However, the poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. As it stands, the language is quite direct and abstract. For example, instead of "Creates A false sense of joy," the poet could use more concrete images or metaphors to convey this idea.

The capitalization of "A" in the second line seems to be a typographical error, as it disrupts the standard conventions of capitalization.

The poem might also explore the emotional depth of the theme more thoroughly. The current version states the effects of alcohol quite plainly, but it could delve into how these effects feel on a personal level, thereby creating a stronger emotional connection with the reader.

Lastly, the title "Under The Influence" is a common phrase often associated with drunk driving. If the poem is indeed about the broader effects of alcohol, a more unique title might better capture the poem's specific focus and make it more memorable.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

I am amazed at how you can say so much with an economy of words. beautifully done!

*hugs, Cat

C

Thank you. I appreciate your suggestions and comments

Your suggestion to change line “ makes me a prisoner” is 6 syllables not 5.
Question why not capitalize first letters?

Leslie

great haiku, straightforward an eternal truth! if you run for president I will vote for you.