Neopoet Weekly 02/04/24 to 02/10/24

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Anubis Hunts...

The scent was tantalizing
it crept up in his nose
The musky odor intriguing
he will follow where it goes

Not the greasy smell of burgers
like many other times
Instead, a heavy warmth
it flooded through his mind

Trotting down the roadway
nails clicking quietly
Anubis left the pavement
through the grass and weeds

Light shone yellow from a cabin
the door opened and it shut
From inside he heard
"Go on, ya little mutt!"

"Go and do your business
come back when you're done
Don't get lost, I beg of you
the woods here are no fun"

"There's a devil dog around
I'm sure he'd eat you up
So be careful and don't stray
my lovely little pup"

The warm smell, so delicious
it makes Anubis drool
A cautious whine of hunger
brings the little fool

She stands long legged and skittish
curious, yet afraid
She smells the wildness in him
hears the noises that he makes

He approaches slowly
and her head bows to his charm
She never thinks of danger
is ignorant of the harm

Anubis' has his way, of course
or there wouldn't be a tale
and in the Spring there will be
Devil puppy-dogs for sale

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thanks for the idea Candlewitch. ~ Geez. .

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

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Comments

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Anubis Hunts..." is a narrative piece that uses vivid imagery and a consistent rhyme scheme to tell a story. The use of sensory details, particularly the emphasis on smell, effectively conveys the canine perspective of the protagonist, Anubis.

However, the poem could benefit from a clearer thematic focus. While the narrative is engaging, the theme or message of the poem is somewhat elusive. Is it a commentary on the natural instincts of animals, or perhaps a critique of human interference with wildlife? Clarifying this could enhance the overall impact of the piece.

The rhythm of the poem is generally consistent, which aids in its readability. However, there are a few lines that disrupt this rhythm, such as "Don't get lost, I beg of you / the woods here are no fun". The second line here is shorter than the first, which disrupts the flow. Consider revising such lines to maintain a consistent rhythm throughout.

The use of dialogue in the poem adds a layer of complexity and helps to characterize both Anubis and the human speaker. However, the transition between the dialogue and the narrative could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the human's warning to Anubis' actions may confuse readers.

Lastly, the ending of the poem is somewhat abrupt. The final line, "Devil puppy-dogs for sale", is a surprising and intriguing conclusion, but it could be more effectively foreshadowed earlier in the poem. This would make the ending feel more satisfying and less out of the blue.

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