Wandering listlessly
through sunshiny days
our hearts are bethrothed
to petulant play
neglecting the need of
our brother in the fray
selfishly we hope for
a more effectual way
in which we might serve
in better display
neglecting the truth
that today is the day
to put on our big boots
and be on our way!
Feb 02, 2024
Big boots
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Everything boils down to how we treat one another. I have seeen nothing but good on this site. But the world is a cold and virulent place in whch many take the dive.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Big Boots," presents a narrative that seems to revolve around the theme of procrastination and the need for action. The use of language and rhythm is consistent, which aids in the overall readability of the piece.
However, there are areas that could be improved. The phrase "our hearts are bethrothed to petulant play" is a bit unclear. The term "bethrothed" typically refers to an engagement for marriage, which might not be the best fit in this context. Perhaps a different term that better conveys the idea of being tied or committed to "petulant play" would be more effective.
The transition from the first half of the poem, which focuses on inaction, to the second half, which emphasizes the need for action, could be made smoother. Currently, the shift seems abrupt. Introducing some transitional phrases or ideas could help to bridge this gap.
The final lines, "to put on our big boots and be on our way!" effectively convey the call to action. However, the metaphor of "big boots" could be introduced earlier in the poem to create a stronger thematic link throughout the piece.
In terms of structure, the poem maintains a consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme, which is commendable. However, the lines vary in length, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Attempting to maintain a more consistent line length could enhance the rhythm and overall reading experience.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. While the general ideas are clear, using more descriptive language could help to engage the reader's senses and emotions more deeply.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Big Boots
Hello, Leslie,
Very clever, and a fantastic message. The rhythm and rhyme feel natural throughout.
Thank you!
L
Lavender
I was afraid tthat maybe no one would get it, but I can trust in you to understand!
Lavender
I was afraid tthat maybe no one would get it, but I can trust in you to understand!
Dear Leslie,
Your poem transitions leisurely through the enjoyable days of childhood. Into the transitional time. Moving on quickly to take hold of the controls when it is time to take responsibility and meet life with an air of wisdom and knowledge. an excellent poem! I really like the term "Big Boots"
*hugs, Cat
Cat...
thank you for reading this. The term Big bóots was an idea
that I remember from a song.