teach me to be a good man
take me to your childhood home
show me around the room where you wept
your mother hasn’t touched it since you left
what i would give to have known you then
Jan 23, 2024
good man
About This Poem
Last Few Words: little baby poem i hope to add to
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
good man
Hi, Leo,
I can imagine so many scenarios, here, but all of them are compassionate and tender. My guess is, there are a few heartaches within. Wonderful title. Not certain that you really need to add more, its mood lends so much emotion. But eager to read, if you do.
Thank you,
L
(I believe I see an extra "it" in there - mother hasn't touched it...)
Hi Lavender,
Thank you for the read. I'm glad to hear you believe it stands well as it is. I thought so as well but I have a hard time knowing when a poem is finished so I appreciate the help!
good poem, Leo,
but I kind of tripped over this line: "your mother hasn’t it touched it since you left" did you mean to write it this way?
*hugs, Cat
Hello Cat,
Hello Cat,
Thank you. What about this line was difficult to read? do you think it would sound better as "Your mother hadn't touched it since you left"? or is it too wordy? I can adjust it with your help!
Leo