A steaming hot soak in the bathtub,
It was party night at my Aunt's.
Permission or not, I was going
Norma wanted to throw a rant...
If anything, Norma was jealous
of Nita's interest in me,
her newest student of the Arcane
many surprises, come to be...
under her saddle a grain of grit
that Norma would never admit
SHE was the chosen, She was the Witch!
stamped up and down throwing a fit...
*
"October thirty first, Halloween,
when the veil is thin, the dead walk
amongst the living they will roam free
showing their faces, will they talk?"
This was the story aunt told the room
fair friends drinking apple cider.
telling tales about spooks and snails
on her black hat crawled a spider.
Everyone in costumes and dark masks
waiting to greet me, the new witch!
(Just a few folk numbering thirteen)
hanging loose while finding my knitch.
Gifts I was given: Tarot Card deck,
pentacle ring, with three fine stars
made of silver, a crystal ball too
gift of the cosmos, Venus and Mars!
Awakening to breakfast frying
Aunt says goodbye to husband, Bud,
married to Norma in the far past
this, the skinny, dirt and the mud!
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Aunt Nita's Tea Leaves Reading part #2 of 2714 Girard Ave, N. Ghost tale" presents a narrative that is rich in detail and imagery. However, there are a few areas where clarity and rhythm could be improved.
The first stanza sets the scene well, but the rhythm is inconsistent. The first two lines have a similar rhythm, but the third and fourth lines deviate from this pattern. A more consistent rhythm could enhance the musicality of the poem.
The second stanza introduces the character of Norma and her jealousy. However, the phrase "her newest student of the Arcane" is a bit unclear. It would be more effective to specify who the student is and what "the Arcane" refers to.
In the third stanza, the phrase "under her saddle a grain of grit" is a bit confusing. If this is a metaphor, it could be made more explicit to ensure readers understand its meaning.
The section marked with an asterisk seems to be a transition, but it's not clear what it's transitioning to. If this is intended to signal a change in tone or subject, it could be made more explicit.
The stanza beginning with "October thirty first, Halloween," is effective in setting a spooky atmosphere. However, the line "on her black hat crawled a spider" disrupts the rhythm established in the previous lines.
The stanza beginning with "Everyone in costumes and dark masks" introduces the concept of the narrator being a new witch. This could be introduced earlier in the poem to give it more context.
The stanza beginning with "Gifts I was given: Tarot Card deck," is effective in further developing the witch theme. However, the line "gift of the cosmos, Venus and Mars!" could be rephrased to fit the rhythm of the previous lines.
The final stanza introduces new characters and relationships, which could be confusing to readers. It would be more effective to introduce these characters earlier in the poem or to provide more context for their introduction.
Overall, the poem has a strong narrative and vivid imagery, but could benefit from improved clarity, consistent rhythm, and better character introduction.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
A fabulous story
And insight into your gift! What a treat for you to have a mentor such as your aunt and even more of a treat that you share your gift and craft with others.
Thanks Carrie,
Nita was a practiced witch and proud of being so! I loved her dearly. Norma hated me for many things and Nita's love for me was just one more. thank you for the sweet comment.
*hugs, Cat
Cat...
I thought this was very interesting and well written. My question is what relationship does James Patrick Page have with
these things. No disrespect intended in any way. It would be interesting to know if you have any information.
Cat
Disregard the inquiry, that was none of my business and I apologize for asking such a spurious question.
I have no idea...
who that person is?!
Cat
Jimmy Page is, was forever Led Zeppelin's guitarist.
Hi Cat, I loved this line:
Hi Cat, I loved this line: under her saddle a grain of grit
It says so much in so few words.
I was a little confused by Norma's jealousy but as I got to the end I realised it was down to the familial relationships that were present.
The flow and the rythm of the poem were captivating and it left me wanting to know more.
Good job, Ruby :) xx
Hello Ruby,
I am so glad you liked it! Norma was my mother, a hateful woman. Nita was her aunt so she was my great aunt. We bonded and I oft times visited with her. At one point Norma was married to Bud. Nita took him away from her, never considering that he went willingly. Then Norma met my dad. I was my dad's biggest fan. there will be more that I write on this line. Thanks for the encouragement!
*major hugs xxx, Cat