Ruby Lord
Ruby Lord
Jan 22, 2024
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Around The Globe Anthology

(Read More...)

Around the Globe Anthology

Delve in deep, words will reach you,
Pause for breath, note the space.
Behold the tales, in full view,
Welcome to the poets' place.

Stretch your fingers, map your scrolls,
Relax your arms and shoulders too.
Stanzas, stir our aching souls,
On paths unknown, in words anew.

Unfurl your rhyme,
unveil your reasons,
Let me surge with your emotion.
Bring to life your violent demons,
Spice your metaphors with devotion.

To form a cage, of golden words
As passion's song revives its flight.
Break free, let fly frenzied birds,
Paint my soul with darkest night.

I’ll steer you to attain your peak,
and praise you for your words aloud.
You’ll lift yourself to grow unique,
And find your voice in meter proud.

I raise my eyes on precious pages,
And let the words fly, Pegasus.
Tell me lies, write in rages,
I yearn to trace your genesis.

Throughout the dark, stars aglow,
Stirring images when we write.
The morning sun like words flow,
A pride of poets awake all night.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I've been away for a couple of weeks, well not away but absent. I've been unable to comment, sorry and it may be a little while before I am fully back on form. Ruby :)

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United Kingdom

Favorite Poets: I like Margaret Atwoods poetry and I enjoy her writing. She has a natural ability to make her fiction read like poetry

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "NeoPoet Anthology" demonstrates a strong command of language and a clear understanding of poetic structure. The rhythm and rhyme scheme are consistent throughout, which contributes to the overall flow and readability of the piece.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. For instance, the line "Stanzas, stir our aching souls," seems to be a command to the stanzas themselves, which might confuse readers as stanzas are inanimate and cannot perform actions. A possible revision could be "Stanzas that stir our aching souls," which would make the intended meaning clearer.

In the line "Let me surge with your emotion," it is unclear who the speaker is addressing. Is it the reader, another poet, or the poem itself? Providing more context or clarification could enhance the overall coherence of the poem.

The use of metaphor in the poem is commendable, particularly in lines such as "Paint my soul with darkest night." However, the metaphor "I raise my eyes on precious pages, And let the words fly, Pegasus" could be made more effective. The comparison of words to Pegasus, a mythological winged horse, is an intriguing idea, but it might be more powerful if the connection between words and Pegasus was more explicitly drawn out.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more focused thematic development. While the theme of poetry writing is clear, the poem covers a wide range of related ideas - from the physical act of writing, to the emotional impact of poetry, to the idea of poetry as a form of liberation. Focusing on one or two of these ideas and exploring them in more depth could make the poem more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Hello, Ruby!
This is wonderful! So much to like! "Break free, let fly frenzied birds..." "Find your voice in meter proud..." And I really like the reference to Pegasus. I wonder..."poet's place" might also be "poets' place" if your intention is to include everyone at Neo. "A pride of poets awake all night."
Very nice!
L
BTW: I have noticed you were away. You've been missed! Hope you are well!

Candlewitch

Linked together, one and all, this Neopoet family! Beautiful job...I feel it in your words and language usage. Take all the time you need to get caught up again. We missed you and noticed your absence, as you are such a strong supportive voice around here!

*love & hugs, Cat