In summer, melancholic mist
floats friendless ‘cross the fertile fields,
as he looks lonely and unkissed,
and to his dread depression yields.
By noon, when dreary darkness falls,
he hears a soulful, singing bird.
From tree to tree the creature calls.
Last sound, he knows, that will be heard.
Above, the shrouded, silent sun
stands still, or so it seems to be.
Below, this dismal devil’s son
swings slowly on his Judas-Tree.
At dusk, when all sweet dreams expire,
his empty, traitor's heart grows cold.
And thoughts, once fed with Jesus-fire,
turn grey the season’s gleaming gold.
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Judas Tree" effectively creates a melancholic atmosphere through its imagery and language. The use of personification in describing the mist as "melancholic" and the sun as "shrouded" adds depth to the emotions conveyed. The repetition of the theme of loneliness and betrayal, as seen in the references to being "unkissed" and the "dismal devil's son," further enhances the overall tone of the poem.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the sentence structure and rhythm to create a more dynamic flow. Currently, the poem consists mainly of simple sentences, which can lead to a monotonous reading experience. Experimenting with different sentence lengths and structures could add more musicality and engage the reader on a deeper level.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from further exploration of the central metaphor of the Judas tree. While the imagery of the tree and its association with betrayal is intriguing, it would be helpful to provide more context or explanation to enhance
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
beautiful rhymes and rhythm!
beautiful rhymes and rhythm!
Great rhyme...
and rhythm. In the first line of the second stanza, I would switch out the word, [By] with [Past]. To me, the mention of noon brings full daylight, not darkness. ~ Geez.
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Judas Tree
This has exceptional imagery describing, I believe, Good Friday. But not from the standpoint of the crucifixion of Jesus, but the result of the actions of Judas, the betrayer. The darkness falling over the earth, Judas hanging from what came to be known as the "Judas Tree" and the feeling of all hope being lost at dusk. A lot of detail here - I am really curious about the references to the seasons - summer, and I'm assuming, fall, "...turn grey the season's gleaming gold." This is very heavy: in content, language, and imagery. The alliteration adds to its depth. One other thing: this feels like it's not just speaking about Judas, but mankind in general.
L
Powerful
A powerful piece that needs to read aloud, in company. Alex.