Jokerface82
Jokerface82
Jan 09, 2024
This poem is part of the challenge:

01/24 My House is Haunted

(Read More...)

HAUNTED HOUSE COMP

Darkness draped around the mature tomb
The worn weathered battered door
and timber splintered floors. Every tred

my heart beats fiercely. Rodent groan
Hinges alerting the roaming spirits
and my uninvited presence even the lob sided

webbed portrait frame judging my existence.
I stabb my beam around the darkness
There I see blood rain dripping off the ceiling

then losing its volume I'm frozen jaw locked open
Iam not going any further past the blood dripped
curtain.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Rough still working on it

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Uk, GBR

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Haunted House Comp" effectively creates a spooky and eerie atmosphere through its vivid descriptions and use of sensory imagery. The use of words like "darkness," "mature tomb," "worn weathered battered door," and "timber splintered floors" help to establish a sense of foreboding and decay. The mention of the "roaming spirits" and the "webbed portrait frame" adds to the haunted ambiance of the poem.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider the flow and structure of the poem. While the fragmented and disjointed structure can contribute to the overall sense of unease, it may be beneficial to experiment with different line breaks or punctuation to enhance the rhythm and pacing. This could help the reader to better engage with the poem and its haunting atmosphere.

Additionally, it would be helpful to further develop the narrative or emotional arc of the poem. Currently, the poem focuses on setting the scene and describing the haunted house, but it would be interesting to

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

I love spooky situations an haunted house motifs! This piece is very descriptive in language usage. I am glad I read it!

*hugs, Cat

Candlewitch

eddy styx is my evil alter ego who writes dark poetry. you can find his work by clicking on my picture and going to my page. Look for the poems that have eddy styx by my name.