Marked!

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Marked!" presents a vivid and dramatic scene, effectively using imagery and rhythm to convey a sense of urgency and tension. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm. The lines vary significantly in length, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the line "Remington Riffle slung low," is much shorter than the following line, "secured, over her back." This inconsistency can be jarring for the reader.

Secondly, the use of punctuation could be more effective. The ellipsis at the end of the fourth and eighth lines suggests a pause or continuation, but it's unclear why these particular moments are being emphasized.

Lastly, the phrase "Destination target west!" is somewhat confusing. If the target is to the west, it might be clearer to say something like "Target: West!" or "Heading west to the target!"

In terms of imagery, the poem does a good job of painting a vivid picture. The "solid winter wind," "iridescent snow," and "dot of red light" are all strong, evocative images. However, the poem could benefit from more sensory details. What does the wind feel like? What sound does the snow make under her skis? These kinds of details can make the scene even more immersive for the reader.

Overall, the poem has a strong foundation and with some revision, it could be even more effective.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I can hear the rhyme in snow and low, and vest and west, but I don't knwo who the poem is about?
Your poem left me wanting to know more and it was intriguing.
I'll come back later, I'll have a think. Ruby :) xx

I know what and who, [not specifically who] it is about. It is about the athlete that takes part in the Winter Olympics.
I think it is called a Biathlon, a combination of cross-country skiing and target shooting. The red light in the distance is the timer. I kind of like the distance that is put between the reader and the athlete; a feeling like you are out there all alone. Nice job, ~ Geez.
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This is really great. I could feel the movement in your poem as I was gliding over the snow.
Great job, excellent imagery and I loved the final stanza and the target was brought into play, loved it, Ruby :) xxx

And as always fantastic. I had a different take of a woman on the run...perhaps trying to escape someone or something that was chasing her. I could hear the skis on the snow and feel her urgency to go faster. I thought what a creative way to escape! My characters are usually scaling buildings but this one is on skis!! Very clever making the reader see this differently from the reader before

On my first read through it, I thought it was an "eddy" poem with the the target of the pursuit a human. After re-reading it, I realized that it was not. I've watched the biathalon once or twice. I've always found it fascinating that someone can push themselves on the skis, then stop and reach the stillness necessary for good marksmanship. I almost imagined myself on those skis. Good work.