Jane Doe

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Jane Doe" employs a dark and intense narrative, which is effective in creating a sense of mystery and suspense. It uses vivid imagery and metaphors to convey a gruesome scene, which could be further refined to enhance its impact.

1. Imagery and Metaphor: The poem uses strong and vivid imagery such as "Poison ivy wrapped amongst pillars of white" and "Ivory skin stained with red; slumped against the door". These lines effectively create a vivid and chilling picture in the reader's mind. However, the metaphor "Loose lips get stitches, to silence wagging tongues" could be clarified or reworked to better fit the overall tone and theme of the poem.

2. Rhyme and Rhythm: The poem seems to lack a consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. Consider revising the poem to include a more consistent rhyme scheme or rhythm to enhance its overall musicality and readability.

3. Theme and Message: The theme of the poem is quite clear – it deals with a tragic and mysterious death. However, the message or the purpose of the poem could be made clearer. Is it a commentary on violence, a critique of societal indifference, or a reflection on the anonymity of victims? Clarifying this could give the poem a stronger impact.

4. Language and Tone: The language used in the poem is appropriately dark and intense, fitting the theme well. However, some phrases like "Redrum, redrum; droplets on the floor" might be too cryptic for some readers. Consider revising such lines for clarity while maintaining the poem's overall tone.

5. Structure: The poem's structure is fairly consistent, with four lines per stanza. However, the second stanza breaks this pattern. Consider maintaining a consistent structure throughout the poem for better coherence.

In summary, the poem has a strong narrative and uses vivid imagery, but could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme, clearer metaphors, and a clarified message.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I really like the poem. It has the same feeling as "From Hell". The only change I would suggest is "What if she's someone's daughter, mother, lover?" becomes "Is she someone's daughter, mother, lover?" It seems to fit with the other lines in that stanza better.

the comments from Mark and Unca Fez, I would add; [change the word amongst to around,] to be amongst is to be amid, or between etc. Good, dark stuff ~ Geez.
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my favorite lines are:

Her head left upon a stick, matted tresses dangling.
Loose lips get stitches, to silence wagging tongues.
Prying eyes that cover lies, blinded by the knife.
A tragic end to a meaningless life.

Brilliant!

*respects, eddy styx

was to change the word in the line "Poison ivy wrapped [amongst] pillars of white," to Poison ivy wrapped [around] pillars of white." ~ Geez.
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Another dark one from you RoseBlack and carried of very cleverly. I have one suggestion, you know my thoughts on repetition?
Instead of this line - Ivory skin stained with red; slumped against the door.

How about replacing the words with red and using Ivory skin stained violent; slumped against the door. or another word, murder, anger, anything along those lines?
Just my thoughts, a grand poem full of darkness. Ruby :) xx