The face in the mirror is a cruel temptress.
A faint spark burned out with sadness.
Replaced with lifeless, hopeless madness.
Given away by black shadows under my eye.
Emotions wrap around me,
like a python squeezing its prey.
Suffocating, nauseating, devastating,
why can't they just let me be?
Who wants someone with three kids and a slew of pets.
Love is fleeting, hard to find appealing
when you have nothing to offer,
except being good in the sack.
Used and useless.
Washed up and washed out.
All I can do is pray for death to come
And steal me away.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Hopeless" is a poignant exploration of despair and self-deprecation. It effectively uses vivid imagery and metaphor to convey a sense of overwhelming sadness and desperation.
However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. First, the transition between the second and third stanzas feels abrupt. The second stanza discusses the speaker's emotional state, while the third suddenly introduces the speaker's family situation. A smoother transition could help maintain the poem's flow and cohesion.
Second, the line "except being good in the sack" is somewhat jarring. It introduces a sexual element that is not explored elsewhere in the poem, which could distract readers from the overall theme of despair. If the intention is to convey the speaker's feelings of being objectified or used, it might be more effective to do so in a way that is consistent with the tone and content of the rest of the poem.
Lastly, the final stanza could benefit from more concrete imagery. The phrase "pray for death to come" is a common expression and might not have the same impact as a more unique or unexpected image.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys a deep sense of despair and hopelessness, but could benefit from smoother transitions, more consistent tone, and more unique imagery.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Hopeless
Hello, Carrie,
Passing through before I sign off for the night. I sure hope you've used a lot of poetic license with this one and it is not about you or how you sincerely feel. You are such a beautiful soul.
I'll return tomorrow!
Peace, my friend!
Lx
Hi L
Thank you for the read. Unfortunately, this is how I feel at the moment..this has been a really difficult year with no let up in sight. I am really feeling all kinds of emotions right now and they spilled out into these poems.
Hello, Carrie,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm glad you have your poetry to release some of your feelings. It can be a healing tonic, and I hope it helps a bit. PM if you'd like.
Lx
Hopeless
Hello Rose. Not the sort of writing that anyone should criticise. All I will say Rose, if this is really you, and your reply to L says it is, Have courage, and know there are always people here to support you. Alex
Sorry you are feeling like
Sorry you are feeling like this. If there’s anything I can do. Please message me if you’d like to chat. Ruby xxx
Thank you everyone
As I've said before, this has been a tough year. A lot of loss, some death, some not. Things are hitting really hard and I am glad I have my Neo family to patiently read what I am having trouble processing and respond with compassion. Thank you all
Dear Carrie,
When we are feeling either at our worst or at our best; the poetry produced is superb. (it is almost like the stages of giving birth!)
*hugs and warmth, Cat
*ever, eddy styx
I agree
Wholeheartedly even though sometimes I feel like a broken record. Each poem has its own unique feel