Unca Fez
Unca Fez
Dec 07, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

12/23 What Gets You Through The Day

(Read More...)

Today

Look not forward.
Look not back.
Focus on today.

Forward, ever-shrinking,
Will erode your will.
Focus on today.

Backward, stretching into haze,
Can lead one to regret.
Focus on today.

Today, here only control exists,
To share a life with those you love.
Focus on today.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Wisconsin, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Candlewitch: I've been reading her poetry for over forty years.

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively communicates the message of living in the present, using repetition to emphasize the theme. However, it could benefit from more concrete imagery to evoke emotions in the reader.

The repetition of "Focus on today" functions as a refrain, providing structure and rhythm to the poem. However, the use of abstract language like "ever-shrinking," "stretching into haze," and "here only control exists" may not fully engage the reader's senses or emotions. Consider incorporating more concrete and sensory language to create vivid images in the reader's mind.

The line "To share a life with those you love" is the only one that mentions other people or relationships, which seems to be a significant part of the poem's message. Expanding on this aspect could add depth to the poem and make the theme more relatable to readers.

The poem also uses simple, direct language, which can be effective in communicating a clear message. However, varying the sentence structure or incorporating more complex language could add interest and sophistication to the poem.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the theme. The current version presents the idea of focusing on the present as a simple, straightforward choice, but in reality, this concept can be complex and challenging. Delving deeper into this struggle could add depth and complexity to the poem.

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Candlewitch

Yesterday has passed, leave its hurts behind. Tomorrow has not happened yet. Concentrate on today for it is all you really have. It is here and now... (make the most of it for it is all you have.) Did I get it right?

*love, Cat

RoseBlack

How I wish I could let go of yesterday. Today seems challenging but tomorrow is not promised so I have vowed to live before I die. I have lost many this year, some in death and some because the friendships have just come to a close. It has been a tough pill to swallow for sure. Your poem puts things in perspective and reiterates the importance of focusing on the now. Well done.

Unca Fez

It is hard to let go of past mistakes and things lost. Without letting go, though, it is most difficult to hold on to what we have today. Trying to stay focused on that gets me through my days.

Thanks for reading and sharing.

Lavender

Hello, Steve,
It takes a bit of training to focus on the present. Our minds can be so wired with regret or anxiety. I really like the repetition in this - a solid affirmation.
Thank you!
L

Unca Fez

Thanks for reading and commenting.

I agree. It is work to not let past regrets or future fears de-rail you. It is one of the mainstays in any 12 step program: focus on the things you can change. It is a daily battle.

Candlewitch

In this set:

Look not forward.
Look not backward. (Look not back) in this usage only the other one is fine.
Focus on today.

I think it sounds better. Backward here sounds stilted and rote you may either use my idea or not. It is your decision and your poem.

*hugs & wishes, Cat

C

The present is all there really is. The past is gone the future a dream.

Very nice poem, realistic.

Unca Fez

Time only gives us the now to do anything. Thanks for reading. Glad that I could touch something in you.

T

Tomorrow isn’t promised so today is what we have and yesterday it is what we left behind. I like this poem it has so much value. Never put off what you can do today.