Shared Dreams

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Shared Dreams" is a brief and concise piece that utilizes a simple structure to convey a narrative of love and companionship. The poem's strength lies in its ability to communicate a profound message in a limited amount of words. However, there are areas where it could be improved.

1. Imagery: The poem could benefit from more vivid imagery. The current language is somewhat abstract, and adding more concrete images could help the reader connect more deeply with the poem. For example, instead of "In laughter and tears", the poet could consider using specific instances or scenarios that evoke laughter or tears.

2. Rhythm and Flow: The poem's rhythm could be improved. The current structure is a bit disjointed, and creating a more consistent rhythm could help the poem flow more smoothly. This could be achieved by adjusting the syllable count or rearranging the words.

3. Show, Don't Tell: The poem tells the reader about the shared dreams and conquered fears, but it doesn't show them. The poet could consider using metaphors or similes to show the reader what these shared dreams and conquered fears look like.

4. Depth: The poem could delve deeper into the emotions and experiences it describes. The current language is somewhat surface-level, and adding more depth could help the reader feel more engaged with the poem. This could be achieved by exploring the emotions and experiences in more detail.

5. Originality: The theme of love's journey is a common one in poetry, and the poem could benefit from a more unique approach. The poet could consider exploring this theme from a different angle or incorporating unexpected elements to make the poem stand out.

In conclusion, while the poem has a strong message and a clear narrative, it could benefit from more vivid imagery, a more consistent rhythm, showing rather than telling, more depth, and a more unique approach to its theme.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

written another very good senryu. I like the entire idea expressed in just three lines. Very nice, ~ Geez.
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What a beautiful summary of lives shared. Sometimes, less is more, as in this case. I am always fascinated by what can be expressed in 17 syllables.

I agree with both Geezer and Unca Fez . this one of the best senryus I have ever read! It flows beautifully from one line to the next! I wish I had written it!!!

*love & hugs, Cat