Neopoem Weekly 12/11/23 to 12/16/23

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Closing Thoughts

(Co-author: Candlewitch)

A life defined by actions
Transformed to memories
To sustain or condemn it
These are its defining keys

Nature is definitive
The tides ebb and flow
The sun is there to shine
So too the moon will glow

On the resplendent horizon
A life comes to a close
Having been well-lived like
The beauty of a budding rose

Tally all those memories
Compute the final balance
Add weight to those most cherished
To the rest, give no substance

Remembered past sustain us
As final hours approach
So let this be our action’s guide
Let it be our life coach.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Wisconsin, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Candlewitch: I've been reading her poetry for over forty years.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Life's Tally" utilizes a clear and consistent rhyme scheme, which aids in the flow and rhythm of the piece. The use of imagery, such as "The beauty of a budding rose" and "resplendent horizon", adds depth and richness to the poem. However, the imagery could be further developed to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the reader.

The poem explores the theme of life and memory, suggesting that our actions define us and that we should focus on cherishing positive memories. This theme is conveyed effectively through the metaphor of a life being like a tally or balance, which is a unique and thought-provoking concept.

The poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure and rhythm to avoid a monotonous reading experience. The use of different poetic devices, such as alliteration, assonance, or enjambment, could enhance the poem's musicality and create a more engaging reading experience.

The final line, "Let it be our life coach," seems to shift the tone of the poem from reflective to instructive. This shift might be intentional, but it could potentially disrupt the reader's immersion. If the intention is to end with a call to action or a moral, it might be more effective to build up to this gradually throughout the poem.

Overall, the poem demonstrates a solid understanding of rhyme and meter, and effectively explores its chosen theme. With some refinement, it could offer an even more engaging and immersive reading experience.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

p.s.
I like it!

Dear Popi,

Do you think we could do with punctuation in the mix?

*your, Cat