Silent shadows
slip, slip behind your veil
flashed pastels
paint with tears
on an angel's face
descending now
then rising up again
painfully your heart
will learn how to bend
will then the rain
begin now to cleanse
the stains collecting
upon white satin?
Dec 07, 2023
White wedding
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Please, someone tell me how this makes you feel.
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "White Wedding" has a strong use of imagery and metaphor, which helps to create a vivid picture in the reader's mind. The use of words such as "silent shadows", "flashed pastels", and "angel's face" contribute to a sense of mystery and ethereal beauty. The repetition of the word "slip" in the second line also adds a rhythmic quality to the poem.
However, the poem could benefit from a clearer narrative or thematic thread. While the individual images are striking, it's somewhat difficult to discern the overall message or story of the poem. Is it about a wedding, a heartbreak, or a transformation? The ambiguity might be intentional, but providing a bit more clarity could help the reader connect more deeply with the poem.
The line "painfully your heart / will learn how to bend" is particularly intriguing. It suggests a story of resilience and growth, which could be developed further. The final lines about rain cleansing stains on white linen are also evocative, but it's not entirely clear how they relate to the rest of the poem.
In terms of structure, the poem could benefit from more consistent punctuation. The use of line breaks and spacing is effective, but the lack of punctuation makes the reading experience somewhat disjointed.
Overall, the poem has a lot of potential. With some refinement, it could become even more powerful and engaging.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
White wedding!
This is is about my former spouse and her struggle with
my mental illlness. How marriage left her cold, without
hope, suffering!
Dear Aesetic Night,
There is so much pain here within your poem. I can only hope that there will also be healing.... best wishes to you!
*hugs, Cat
Cat
There is alot of pain that I can do nothing about and even
though my four children were diagnosed with mental illness.
They are fully funnctioning adults.
I am glad...
That your children are functioning adults in this crazy world . I, too suffer from mp disorder and ocd. and ptsd and was fully functioning until my physical problems interfered (I have psoriatic arthritis and psoriasis, too!) a strong mind and healthy attitude can overcome these problems. It sounds like your children have!
*love, Cat
*ever, eddy
Cat...
Thanks for your thoughtfulness and they are all
doing well with the decisions that they have made.