Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Dec 05, 2023
This poem is part of the challenge:

12/23 Granma's Kitchen

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Grandma's Christmas Kitchen!

Daddy’s pancakes sat plated and steaming on the dining room table
As we woke to cheery calls of “Come to breakfast!”
The very early morning darkness greeted two sleepy girls
bundled together on the backseat of our family car.

I, the youngest, wide-awake, watching,
as city streets became country roads.
Sunrise peeked o’er gently rolling fields of rural Wisconsin,
as we traversed the hard-packed dirt driveway.

Grandma, watching at the kitchen window,
Promptly threw open the door to greet us!
Mom and sisters hauled suitcases and gifts to the house.
Daddy took off for the barns to find Grandpa.

Tailing close behind, my short legs pumping,
Grandpa swooped me up in his arms, planting a kiss.
I squealed in delight over the new-born kittens!
With each kit christened, we trundled back to the house.

Grandma’s smile and happy demeanor brightly lit her kitchen,
As she hugged and soundly kissed each of us.
The enticing scent of warm pies and cinnamon rolls,
Drew us in as she served the rolls with her own churned butter!

The grown-ups caught up on the latest gossip,
While the children sang Jingle Bells and Frosty the Snowman.
Aunt Mary, Uncle Duane and their two girls arrived,
Merrily helping to decorate the Christmas cookies.

The table was festively set with Grandma’s finest;
laden with turkey, dressing, and all our favorites.
Stuffed to the gills, we found room for those delicious pies,
whose aroma had haunted us since entering Grandma's marvelous kitchen!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thank you dearest Steven, for your help. *Love, Cat

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively utilizes vivid imagery and sensory details to create a nostalgic scene of a family Christmas gathering. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from refinement.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. While free verse can be effective, the inconsistent line lengths can make the poem feel disjointed. Establishing a more consistent rhythm could enhance the flow of the poem and make it more engaging to read.

Secondly, the poem could benefit from more show, less tell. For instance, instead of stating that "Grandma’s smile and happy demeanor brightly lit her kitchen," the poem could describe Grandma's actions in a way that shows her happiness and the warmth she brings to the kitchen.

Lastly, the poem could make better use of figurative language. While the poem does a good job of painting a picture with literal descriptions, incorporating more metaphors, similes, or other forms of figurative language could add depth and complexity to the poem. For example, instead of saying "Sunrise peeked o’er gently rolling fields of rural Wisconsin," the poem could compare the sunrise to something else to create a more striking image.

In conclusion, while the poem effectively creates a nostalgic scene, it could benefit from a more consistent rhythm, more showing rather than telling, and better use of figurative language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Thank you for taking the time to ready my Christmas poem! It is much appreciated that you did.Have you written a Christmas holiday poem yet? I hope you do, and I will watch for it!

*hugs and cheers, Cat

C

Very good depiction of Grandma’s house that is common with most of us. I think the last stanza sets the standard for Grandma’s kitchen.

The table was festively set with Grandma’s finest;
laden with turkey, dressing, and all our favorites.
Stuffed to the gills, we found room for those delicious pies,
whose aroma had haunted us since entering Grandma's marvelous kitchen!

Leslie

This was beautiful especially your description of your
relationship with grandpa. It must have been wonderful
to be that close and have someone who loved you
that much. Best wishes and many joyous memories
this Christmas season.

Candlewitch

I mostly had good memories of both him and grandma. She worked hard and was one of the happiest women I ever knew. He worked his land and milked his cows for a living. They were never lacking for the love they gave and were given!

*happy holidays, Cat

Leslie

This was beautiful especially your description of your
relationship with grandpa. It must have been wonderful
to be that close and have someone who loved you
that much. Best wishes and many joyous memories
this Christmas season.

William Lynn

Hi Cat.
Two thoughts.
First: AI has never experienced Christmas at Grandma's house.
Second: I want to be at your Grandma's house right now. I can smell the aromas coming from her kitchen.

Thanks for a fun read, hoping you have a wonderful Christmas. - Will

Candlewitch

Thank you so very much for the read and lovely comment! They raised great Children. my Dad was the best and tried to be a good son. I get my joy of Yule from my paternal side. I hope you also have fantastic memories of the season!

*love and best wishes, Cat