My body frozen like stone
The sweat on my brow falling to the coals
below. My crimson pump vessel ready to leap out
of my dry throat. I can feel the thumping in my ribs
Six penetrating eyes digging into my soul below.
I'm tied to a huge spherical shaped human grill ?
Three angelic looking WITCHES !. They all have
white milky blank stares. Each hue different
Tossing tendrils of hair. one has fire flaming tinge
The other Raven, wavy, Jet black with a
a bowl fringe . The third has golden
flowing river elf like pouring locks
They look like a gathering of crows or goths. Black
Inked makeup dancing around in pagan black busty
frocks. A chorus of annoying cackling filling the night
Hissing like a group of hungry venomous snakes that
STRIKE.! all three spinning, twirling around gripping
tightly HUGE TOWERING MATCHES, smoke , trailing
dancing ,following . My eyes in tears
watering , swimming, a waft of sulphur
burning my lungs stinging ! my nasels are
Crying ! running away from me . The cold
Metal rack digging into my naked back. Six expanding
Bosoms hovering over watching me. The ghostly disc lit moon
behind thee. Throwing hands launching bags of scraps and
parsley and headless, bloodless chicken wraps thrown
by all three ! like I'm a Gorden Ramsey recipe to feast
All wooden cook made matches strucked I'm fucked !
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem demonstrates a strong use of imagery and metaphor, creating a vivid and surreal scene that engages the reader's senses. However, it could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme to enhance its musicality and flow.
The poem's narrative is somewhat unclear. While the witches and their actions are described in detail, the speaker's role and the consequences of their situation are not fully developed. Expanding on these aspects could help to deepen the reader's understanding and engagement.
The use of all caps for certain phrases, such as "HUGE TOWERING MATCHES THE SMOKE TRAILING," is a bit jarring and disrupts the poem's flow. It might be more effective to use other methods to emphasize these elements, such as repetition or strategic line breaks.
The language and tone of the poem are quite informal, which can be effective in creating a sense of immediacy and authenticity. However, the use of slang and expletives, such as "I'm fucked," could be off-putting to some readers. It might be worth considering whether these elements are necessary to convey the poem's themes and emotions.
Finally, the poem's punctuation is somewhat inconsistent, with some lines ending in periods and others not. Consistent punctuation can help to guide the reader through the poem and clarify its structure and meaning.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I like
The story behind this poem and how you have separated the three witches and given them their own characteristics. Makes me think of the three witches in Macbeth. I know you edit your poems as you go and will make adjustments to this one. The structure could definitely be improved upon by tightening up your stanzas so that they are easier for the reader to comprehend what they are reading and want to read more. Your imagery is great and with improving the structure, punctuation and capitalizing and uncapitalizing letters would strengthen it and attract more of an audience.
Had a feeling you might like it lol
Yup always chopping changing thank you ! and yes I can see that lol there was one with red hair one with black and I think maybe blonde I can't remember possibly hocus pocus
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I like
The revisions. Each time it gets better and better. Keep working at it.
Thanks
I'm done with this one was fun