Nature calls

The beaked feathers of symphony filled
the air. Strings of lights came down to stare
The bone finger branches filled no spaces

The wheel of tangerine orange fire burst
Above the eternal punching velvet sky
The sea of swaying mixed flowers

Swayed like a chorus of children
Singing together. An aroma of
Of blueberry and lemon silk grass

A stream silver sheen glistening
a trinklet quiet sound making
zen tranquility just listening

Obeying the trout fish swishing

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I welcome criticism!

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Uk, GBR

Comments

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

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I like this

All the sounds, feels and images of nature at work. The second stanza appears to be intentionally short..but maybe add a couple more lines for consistency. Your structure is improving. Maybe work on where you leave off and start new sentences so they don't sound choppy. All in all...well done.