She was as beautiful as the northern lights
freckles like
Scattered glowing stars on a pitch black night
a scent of
gorgeous blossom flowers a touch gentle silk
and soft. a dark well kept brunette with swelling Hill
Like big breasts a small nose and cute painted toes
emerald sparkling green eyes beautiful smile womanly
hips with sugar plump tasting
Sweet rasberry lips that stick. Curves and thighs were
Smooth as a a flowing running snake like stream over
pebble stones
and a Handful, grabful big behind.
That I claim as mine! But inside a scattered mind
which she hides as she looks at my dark
Mind
I hate life why can't it be so easy like a small
Wooden isolated chestnut boat
Sailing away on a summer breeze crystal
blue green turquoise sea.
Golden coin like sun shining down on a horseshoe
shape colour white golden glee beach
forever young happy healthy. but instead
I want to rip !
my fucking hair out stitch my face up then pull it out !
That's just fantasy
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Beautiful and Hate" explores the contrast between external beauty and internal turmoil. The imagery of the northern lights, freckles, and a gorgeous flower effectively conveys the beauty of the subject. The use of sensory details, such as the touch of silk and the emerald green eyes, adds depth to the description.
However, the poem lacks coherence and clarity in its expression of the internal struggle. The line "But inside a scattered mind which she hides" is somewhat vague and could benefit from further elaboration or specific imagery to convey the complexity of the emotions.
Additionally, the sudden shift in tone and language in the following lines disrupts the flow of the poem. The use of explicit language may be jarring for some readers and detracts from the overall impact of the piece. Consider revising these lines to maintain a consistent tone and enhance the emotional resonance of the poem.
Furthermore, the imagery of a chestnut boat sailing away on a crystal blue green turquoise sea seems disconnected from the
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
What ?
Well they don't have too read it sometimes explicit language is a must ?
Lapses...
in sanity are only permitted on certain days for just so many people, so wait your turn please. I can see a scenario where a lover is lost and found on the same day. Take your time, work on it. ~ Geez.
.
Hmmm
It's not about that also explicit language is needed it covey the anger cheers ! The lover is found ? She's just messed up like the rest of us
A good start
To a promising poem. I see you are working on structuring your poems. The concept is great. It is amazing how someone or something so beautiful and mesmerizing can drive us to the brink of insanity at a moments notice. When reworking your lines...perhaps try something like this:
She was as beautiful as the northern lights
Like scattered, glowing stars on a pitch black night
The smell of a gorgeous flower, gentle to the touch
Emerald green eyes that say so much
Beautiful womanly curves, flowing
Hidden within her scattered mind, showing
Why life can't be so easy
Like a chestnut boat sailing on a turquoise sea
Something like that maybe...a little punctuation and tweaking some of the language makes it flow easier for the reader. Good job
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