Clentin
Nov 26, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week November 26th 2023 to December 2nd 2023

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Dark Side Of Love

Love is supposed to be a blessing,
Itcan be a deadly curse,
The dark side of love is so oppressive,
It can make you feel so much worse.

It can bring out the worst in us,
Make us do things we regret,
The dark side of love is so destructive,
It can leave us feeling upset.

It can make us feel worthless and empty,
And consume us in our sorrow,
The dark side of love can be so draining,
Until we've no more strength to borrow.
Though love can be so painful,
It can also be so beautiful,
All the darkness it can bring us,
Love is still worth being faithful.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

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Comments

Geezer

your piece to be very thoughtful and interesting.
I'm supposing that your main point is that lust and possession
are the parts of love that are dangerous and unwelcome.
I get that. I like the theme and the caution that prevails.

I think that there are too many [so] in this one.
I think that maybe you might change a few of them and still be just fine.
~ Geez.
.

Candlewitch

I very much like your title and your poem content. You examine both sides of the topic. in this one line:

But though love can be so painful

It can also be so beautiful (my suggestion is: It can also be sweetly beautiful) to break up the repetition.

punctuation could be beneficial, too. although it is obvious to this reader where the line breaks are. these are my favorite lines:

It can make us feel worthless and empty
And consume us in our sorrow
The dark side of love can be so draining
Until we've no more strength to borrow

good work!
*hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

Like this poem. It talks about the side of love no one wants to discuss out loud...the elephant in the room, if you will. I have experienced the dark side of love more then the brighter side and your poem touched on all those emotions. Well done.

C

Thank you Rose, I have tried the dark side. After viewing many of your poems I have tried to see if I could bring some of the dark side to a poem.

Thank you

Alex Tanner

I like what you have tried to do with this Clentin, but there are so many ways you could tighten it,
get rid of many of the odd words that break up the rhythm. As a suggestion, ditch the so, ands, and buts. They are not necessary.

It can make us feel worthless and empty
And consume us in our sorrow
The dark side of love can be so draining
Until we've no more strength to borrow

Cat likes this stanza, I would suggest, as an example, you take out the and at the start of the second line, so before draining and write Till for Until.
Good work. Alex