Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Nov 22, 2023

Home? (by: eddy styx)

Home?

I danced across the razor's edge
of bad decisions and relationships
owning the raw winds of Hell's fire,
incurred by my carelessness of the moment.
Only to come ricocheting back to me.
letting my guard slip with the worst
of vandals under the guise of strangers.
taking the bait of those mysterious dark tales,
oblivious of pitfalls and sink holes,
landing on my "ass over tea kettle face."
through the long tunnel of myopic sight
I spied you,
vulnerable and unassuming...
knowing you would be a part of me!

*eddy styx is my psychotic MALE alter ego who writes dark poetry.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

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More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Home?" presents a vivid exploration of self-reflection and personal journey. The use of metaphoric language, such as "danced across the razor's edge" and "raw winds of Hell's fire," effectively conveys the speaker's struggle and recklessness. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality and flow.

The sudden shift in tone and perspective in the last few lines, where the speaker identifies a new entity "vulnerable and unassuming," is intriguing but could be made clearer. The reader might benefit from more context or development of this entity to understand its significance in the poem.

The note at the end about "eddy styx" being a "psychotic MALE alter ego who writes dark poetry" is an interesting concept. However, it might be more effective if this aspect of the speaker's identity was integrated into the poem itself rather than explained in a note. This would allow the reader to engage more deeply with the speaker's identity and understand the poem on a more nuanced level.

Lastly, some phrases, like "ass over tea kettle face," are colloquial and may not be universally understood. Consider revising such phrases to ensure the poem's accessibility to a wider audience.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

for your usual appreciated support! I hope you are influenced enough to get your own poem from this...Kind of a left-handed challenge, lol!

*ever, eddy styx

*hugs, Cat

Candlewitch

I am looking forward to your submission! I know it will be an intriguing write, up to your usual standards!

p.s
Cat has been on me about punctuation and Capitalization. I will try to clean it up! I know she has been trying...

*ever, eddy

RoseBlack

Self reflection and murder. Well done Eddy. You brought the two together flawlessly.

Candlewitch

I am glad to see that you will take my challenge! Looking forward to immersing myself in your work!

*always, eddy styx
*super news! Cat

Ruby Lord

This is so good, I love the hidden meanings, and introspection that comes together in an amazing light bulb moment of, yeah I get it.
My favourite lines:

owning the raw winds of Hell's fire,
incurred by my carelessness of the moment.

Well done, Ruby :) xx

Candlewitch

thank you for reading and commenting. I value you opinion and thoughts ;)

*ever, eddy styx

*hugs, Cat

C

Great poem, showing the darkness of life and our reactions.
I think that his stanza stands out to me

of bad decisions and relationships
owning the raw winds of Hell's fire,
incurred by my carelessness of the moment.
I think this says it all to me.

Unca Fez

Having heard the backstory over the years, this one brings forth a jumble of images. I like the way the poem builds the sense of chaos right up to the last three lines, then latches on to an anchor. Well done.