Winter snows are here
White soft flakes not to fear
Kids play with such cheer
Nov 20, 2023
Snow
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Winter snows are here
White soft flakes not to fear
Kids play with such cheer
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This haiku follows the traditional 5-7-5 syllable pattern, which is commendable. The poem's theme, revolving around the winter season and the joy it brings, is clear and well-presented. The use of simple and direct language allows for easy comprehension and appreciation of the scene being depicted.
However, the poem could benefit from more vivid and unique imagery. As it stands, the descriptions are quite generic. For instance, instead of "white soft flakes," consider using more evocative language to paint a more engaging picture of the snow.
In terms of rhythm, the poem maintains a consistent flow, which is crucial in haiku. However, the use of the word "such" in the third line seems to disrupt this rhythm slightly. Consider revising this line to ensure it flows as smoothly as the others.
Lastly, the emotional resonance of the poem could be enhanced. While the joy of children playing in the snow is implied, it might be more impactful to show this joy through specific actions or reactions of the children. This could add a layer of depth to the poem, making it more emotionally engaging for the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I would...
agree with the AI on this score. You could make this sound a bit better by saying something like:
Cool white flakes not to fear.
Otherwise, a very nice Haiku. ~ Geez.
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Thanks.
Thanks.
I agree, I may try to rework it.