All right Sweetheart, wot are you drinking?
Oh, dear Lord he’s speaking, I’m shrinking.
His Lynx Africa spray hits my nose,
He pumps his pecs, to caveman pose.
Thanks, but I’m waiting for my best friend.
Me too, looks like, we’ve time to spend,
Beautiful girl, I like your fitness.
My mind screams, help me, headline witness.
Like a snail on a rock, he wouldn’t let go,
No matter what I said, he didn’t hear no.
Wot do you do, I mean for a crust?
I didn’t understand, in his language I’m lost.
You know, wot do you do for a living?
I prayed to the good Lord, he would give in.
Civil engineer, design sewage systems,
His frame relaxes, he flexes his pistons.
Come home with me, cos the khazi won’t flush,
Plenty of wreckage, can’t clean wiv the brush.
I’m so sorry mister, my friend is here,
I understand your issue, the solution is clear.
My advice for you is direct to your face,
always wear a condom, and save the human race.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses humor and dialogue to create a vivid scene and characters. The use of colloquial language and rhyming couplets contribute to the poem's overall tone and rhythm, which is consistent throughout.
However, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structures and a more nuanced exploration of its themes. The dialogue, while engaging, sometimes feels overly simplistic and could be enhanced with more subtlety or complexity. The poem's themes of unwanted attention and the speaker's discomfort could also be explored in greater depth.
The poem's ending is a strong punchline, but it might be more effective if it were built up to more gradually. As it stands, the ending feels somewhat abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the poem. The poem could also benefit from a more developed resolution, perhaps by showing the speaker's relief or reaction after her friend arrives.
Lastly, the poem's use of humor is effective, but it could be enhanced with more varied types of humor. Currently, the humor is largely based on the absurdity of the situation and the caveman's behavior. Incorporating other types of humor, such as irony or wordplay, could add another layer to the poem and make it even more engaging.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
This is
Brilliant! I am sure I've dated this guy, lol. That last line was absolutely perfect and accurate. Thank you for the explanation on some of the terminology. I thought the poem flowed well and was thoroughly enjoyable. I got a bit of a chuckle out of it as well.
Thanks Carrie, I think we've
Thanks Carrie, I think we've all met this bloke, or had a whiff of his Lynx Africa perfume first ha ha. Ruby :) x
Most definitely
That perfume is a killer! And the choking, gagging sounds it causes wasn't hint enough...lol. This was great!
Sorry
Sorry Ruby, didn't realise it was you I was chatting up. HeHe. Loved it. Alex.
Have you changed that body
Have you changed that body spray yet?
Thanks Alex, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was fun to write. Ruby :) xx
absolutely love this. the
absolutely love this. the modern twist & women perspective. the last lines are genius !!
Hi Merryn, it was fun to
Hi Merryn, it was fun to write and as I like to laugh, I enjoy writing what I think is funny. Thank you for reading and your comment. Ruby :) xx