One dark and frightful night
Plundering through the woods
Just as fast as I could
Looking for a glimpse of daylight
When suddenly I felt a tug
Followed by a strange sound
My feet came off the ground
As my captor let out a gutteral UGH
Dragging me through the brush
Callous hand around my hair
He moved without a care
Only my screams forced him to rush
Dropping me next to the fire
A glimpse of a man within the flame
The lack of conversation was such a shame
Under his gentle gaze, I began to tire
At sunlight, I could see
Shaggy, unkempt hair
Amidst a familiar stare
Still I couldn't break free
He offered me sanctuary
Beneath the stars
New hope to forget prior wars
A primeval missionary
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Meeting A Caveman" presents a narrative that is both engaging and intriguing. The use of descriptive language effectively paints a vivid picture of the scene and the characters involved.
However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The rhythm of the poem is inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For example, the second and third lines of the first stanza have different syllable counts, which can make the poem feel disjointed. Try to maintain a consistent rhythm throughout the poem to enhance the reading experience.
The poem could also benefit from more metaphorical language. While the descriptions are clear, they are mostly literal. Using metaphors can add depth to the poem and allow for multiple interpretations. For instance, the line "He offered me sanctuary" could be rephrased as "He extended a hand, a sanctuary in the wilderness," adding a layer of metaphorical meaning to the poem.
Lastly, the poem could explore the emotional journey of the protagonist in more depth. The poem tells us what is happening, but it does not delve deeply into how the protagonist feels about these events. Adding more emotional detail can make the poem more engaging and relatable for the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Just as...
disheveled as I would think after a night like that! Wooo. I think that you must have gotten some mixed feelings about our friendly neighborhood caveman. I think this one should settle for a while before you mess with it.
~ Geez.
.
You hit
The nail on the head. He certainly sent some mixed signals. Wasn't sure if he wanted to love me or hold me hostage or both. At least he let sleep!
I enjoyed your interpretation
I enjoyed your interpretation of the title. It is full of imagery and builds lots of pictures for the readers mind. I think you could build on popular interpretations a little with stronger action words? Geat poem, Ruby :) x
Thanks Ruby
A different take for sure. These challenges are great because it makes you think and see how your mind interprets the topic. I will look at ways to incorporate stronger action words.