Success is not a major event
It may simply be a present
Success exists in many ways
Sometimes not so pleasant
Actions that exist throughout our days
It could be a long awaited kiss
By people that we really miss
Success could also be a wish
Fulfilled in ways that create bliss
As simple as a favorite dish
Success exists in our mind
It exists in thoughts we find
Words that are so snappy
Actions that are so kind
Everyday actions that are so happy
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Success" effectively explores the multifaceted nature of success, suggesting that it can be found in various forms and experiences. The use of everyday examples, such as a long-awaited kiss or a favorite dish, makes the concept of success relatable and accessible to a wide range of readers.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The irregularity of the syllable count in each line disrupts the flow of the poem. For instance, the first stanza has lines of 7, 6, 6, 6, and 7 syllables, while the second stanza has lines of 9, 7, 6, 6, and 6 syllables. This inconsistency can be jarring for the reader and detract from the overall message.
In terms of rhyme, the poem seems to follow an ABCCB scheme in the first two stanzas, but this is not maintained in the third and fourth stanzas. This lack of consistency can also disrupt the flow and coherence of the poem.
Furthermore, the poem could delve deeper into the exploration of success. While the examples provided are relatable, they remain on the surface level. The poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of success, perhaps by delving into the emotional or psychological aspects of these everyday successes.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more vivid and unique imagery. While the examples given are relatable, they are also quite common. Using more unique or unexpected imagery could help to make the poem more engaging and memorable for the reader.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively communicates the multifaceted nature of success, it could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme, a deeper exploration of success, and more vivid and unique imagery.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I see...
the rhyme scheme that perhaps the AI doesn't, or it may be that it just doesn't read any farther than the first few lines, with any
interest. Nicely done, sir. ~ Geez.
.
Dear Clentin ...
You have been recommended for our Earn a Poem Workshop.
1] This workshop has only one requirement: You must leave at least three [or more] meaningful, serious, comments a week
on the stream.
These are the questions that you should use as a guide.
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
2] In return, you will be allowed one extra poem a day on the workshop. You must go to the submit a poem form, click the drop-down menu
and select the "Earn a Poem Workshop".
3] For a conversation about critique and comments, please visit: https://www.neopoet.com/forum/24941#comment-206699
4] Any questions you may have may be answered with a message to this account or any of the moderators that are found here.
https://www.neopoet.com/comworkshop/Earn a Poem Workshop.
I know that I have invited you to participate already, but I am so proud of the extra work that you have put in, that I felt
that the official invitation should be extended. ~ Geez.
.
Thank you very much. I will
Thank you very much. I will try to do what I can and keep learning about the workshop program.