Leslie
Leslie
Oct 31, 2023

Dear Aunt Fanny!

Dear aunt Fanny in pink pajamas
waddles through her house.
Stumbling down the hallway spies,
an unassuming mouse.
Taken by surprise she cries,
belts out a hostile warning!
To her dismay it doesn't stay,
but makes a lively dash,
across her toes up and over her nose.
atop her wig at last.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Dear Aunt Fanny!" employs a lighthearted tone and a narrative style to depict an amusing scene. The use of vivid imagery and action words effectively brings the scene to life. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

The rhythm and meter of the poem could be more consistent. In some lines, the number of syllables matches well, creating a smooth flow. For example, "Dear aunt Fanny in pink pajamas" and "Stumbling down the hallway spies". However, in other lines, the syllable count varies significantly, which disrupts the rhythm. For instance, "To her dismay it doesn't stay" and "across her toes up and over her nose" have different syllable counts, making the poem feel disjointed.

The rhyme scheme is also somewhat inconsistent. The first four lines seem to follow an ABAB pattern, but this is not maintained throughout the rest of the poem. Consistency in rhyme scheme can help to create a more harmonious sound and improve the overall flow of the poem.

Lastly, the use of punctuation could be more consistent. Some lines end in a comma, while others do not. Consistent punctuation can help to guide the reader's pace and interpretation of the poem.

In conclusion, while the poem effectively uses imagery and tells an amusing story, improvements could be made in the areas of rhythm, rhyme, and punctuation to enhance the overall quality and readability of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

that is one assertive mouse you have. are her tennis shoes any special brand or just generic? I much enjoyed this energetic romp!

*hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

Something lighthearted on this dreary morning and the visual the poem gave was equally as entertaining as the words. Well done.

Leslie

Thanks, so glad you enjoyed it.