Caught In A Rain Storm

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively uses vivid imagery and metaphor to convey a sense of loneliness and despair. The use of weather elements, such as "clouds," "acid drops," "lightning," and "thunder," to mirror the speaker's emotional state is a common technique in poetry, and it is employed here to good effect.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The second and fourth lines of each stanza sometimes rhyme, but not always, and the number of syllables per line varies widely. This inconsistency can disrupt the flow of the poem and distract from its emotional impact.

The poem also tends to tell rather than show the speaker's feelings. For example, the line "When did the world become so cold" directly states the speaker's perception of the world, rather than showing it through concrete images or actions. The poem could be strengthened by replacing such direct statements with more showing details.

Finally, the poem's theme of loneliness in a crowd is a common one, and the poem could be made more original and memorable by adding unique details or a fresh perspective on this theme. For example, the speaker could be given a specific identity or backstory that makes their loneliness more poignant and specific.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

through this a couple of times, I managed to catch my breath, and make an inaudible scream for help! The emotion here is
suffocating, and brutal. I agree that the rhythm could be better; but disagree in that I feel that the AI has not read the poem and given a stock answer to make it appear that it has done so. The second and fourth lines do not ever rhyme and were not meant to. I do think that there could have been more of an effort to match the syllable content of each line, but it doesn't need to be exact. There are times when you can make a syllable disappear or stretch to make it. I like it and would be interested in seeing how you would fix it. ~ Geez.
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switch line three with four and the match of syllables is done in the first stanza.
However, the rhyme of the line [Lightening piercing every fear], creates an odd moment.
How about amending the line to read: "Lightening piercing sullen sky" so that the whole thing reads:

Standing alone as clouds drew near
Through the black and grey
Lightening piercing sullen sky
Acid drops mix with burning tears

I'm sure that you can see the rest of the piece a little clearer now.
Adding words or deleting them, and even changing the placement of a line can make all the difference in the world. Good luck. ~ Geez.
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I will watch this poem progress I like where it leads...

*hugs, Cat

my favorite lines are:

Disposable life, looking for a hand to hold
So many people, yet there's no one around
Grasping; choking; in a puddle
The laughter is warm, yet the stares so cold

the duality of people...and the down right lies of really caring. empty souls going through the motions!

*hugs & love, Cat

Loved your poem. Dark theme is evident. Despair, loneliness in a world where we often seek help but no one seems to see our needs.

Hello, Carrie,
Unique rhyme pattern that you've written so well. A deep, intense poem. I tend to study the final line of most poems, and this one clinches the mood and tone.
Thank you!
L