Halloween Image Prompt Contest 🏆 Winner

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The Skeleton of the Pumpkin Man...

The skeleton of The Pumpkin Man
lies aware of time
Cursed until he's dust and dirt
his bones ground up real fine

Mold rots his face, the flesh hangs on
worms wriggle in his teeth
A clammy trenchcoat wraps his form
his hat makes a leather wreath

The golden glow of deep set eyes
flame whispers in the dark
the withered hand that grasps her arm
emits a little spark

The chill she feels in her bones
right to her very toes
The time has come for sacrifice
amongst the pumpkin rows

She knew this day would come, she did
With a certainty and fate
Could she do what she has to do
with her Pumpkin skeleton date?

The sun sets on fertile farmland
The ending's not mine to tell
but I'll say that it's interesting
and she seems to be doing well

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem has a strong narrative and a clear progression of events, which is commendable. The use of vivid and evocative imagery, such as "Mold rots his face, the flesh hangs on" and "worms wriggle in his teeth", adds a sense of horror and unease, which is fitting for the theme.

However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. The rhythm and meter of the poem are inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For example, the second line of the first stanza, "lies aware of time", is shorter than the other lines and disrupts the rhythm. Consider revising to maintain a consistent rhythm throughout.

The poem also introduces a number of elements - the Pumpkin Man, the woman, the sacrifice - but doesn't fully explore or explain them. This can leave the reader feeling confused or unsatisfied. Consider expanding on these elements to give the reader a better understanding of the narrative.

Finally, the ending of the poem is somewhat vague and ambiguous. While this can be an effective technique in some cases, in this poem it feels as though the narrative is left unfinished. Consider revising the ending to provide a more satisfying conclusion to the narrative.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Pumpkin skeleton date

..is a great combination of words and was a nice surprise line. Funny how some words just sound perfect together.

Thomas

I love this

The story, the imagery...everything! What we do for love and how we sacrifice ourselves for what feels like happy ever after depicted in a dark and cryptic way. A great take on the photo!