I want to love the world, but I need to eat more brains,
They fill me to the brim, as my victim’s life blood drains.
I love to skip and run, I’ll “meat” you half way,
On days like this I long to see your entrails on display.
My useless leg is limp, the joint was cruelly broken,
I couldn’t scream stop, words uttered went unspoken.
The slither of their walk and their stumbling attack,
I fell into peril, everything turned to black.
With eyes we search for food, in fixed gaze of lifeless,
and wander the four corners, a hollow stare of sightless.
I travel on the road forever, starving for a meal,
Bleed out like stuck pigs, once bitten, you won’t heal.
I am the zombie leader if you follow, you’ll survive,
On flesh, and brains and fingers, the pack hunts to thrive.
But pickings have grown slim, tiny morsels left to eat,
A soft food liquid diet, now we’ve broken all our teeth.
Below the crescent moon, a door opens with a creak,
Zombies gather outside, hunger fierce and we leak.
A hoard of toxic predators, baying for a sweet,
The horror hits home, it’s time for trick or treat.
Alas all grows dark, and the days are ending soon,
The future’s not bright, extinction waxes under moon.
Dead bodies, rotting flesh, flies swarm eternally,
At last the end has come, the dead can no longer flee.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE" presents a vivid and engaging narrative from the perspective of a zombie during a post-apocalyptic scenario. It effectively uses macabre and dark humor to provide a unique take on the zombie genre.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. The varying line lengths and syllable counts disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the first stanza has a rhythmic pattern that is not maintained in the subsequent stanzas. A consistent rhythmic pattern would enhance the overall reading experience and musicality of the poem.
The use of language and imagery is generally effective, but there are instances where the choice of words could be improved for greater impact. For instance, the phrase "the flesh I carried turned to black" could be rephrased for clarity and to avoid potential confusion about who the flesh belongs to.
The poem also tends to tell rather than show. For example, in the line "I am the zombie leader you should follow to survive," the poem could instead show how the speaker leads and why others should follow. This would allow the reader to infer the speaker's role and importance, which can be more engaging and impactful.
The ending of the poem effectively conveys a sense of finality and doom, fitting for a zombie apocalypse narrative. However, the transition to this ending could be smoother. The sudden shift from the speaker's hunger and search for food to the impending end of days is a bit jarring. A more gradual build-up to this conclusion could enhance the overall narrative arc of the poem.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of its themes. While the zombie apocalypse is a compelling backdrop, the poem could delve deeper into the implications of this scenario, such as the loss of humanity and the struggle for survival. This would add depth and complexity to the poem, making it more thought-provoking for the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
The rhythm...
is atrocious, but the humor and wit, more than make up for it. Yeah, I'm still watching the "Walking Dead", and the spin-offs.
I think adding the nuns and the religious aspect to it has made it more watchable. Of course, it's going to be the same old story, there's nothing new under the sun, just something you haven't seen before.
~ Geez.
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Have you seen "It Stains the
Have you seen "It Stains the Sands Red" - For me this was rather funny and not a bad low budget film with a slightly different take on the genre. Thank you for your comments, I got my computer to read it and yes, the rhyme was atrocious so I've changed it but it still needs more work. Ruby :)
Actually...
I've found the rhyme good, but the rhythm sucks, your beats are out of whack. No, haven't seen the film "It Stains the Sands Red" I'll make sure to look it up. ~ Geez.
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Thanks Geezer, sorry for my
Thanks Geezer, sorry for my confusion. Ruby :)
I love it
I love everything about this! The visuals were fantastic! Your dark side is phenomenal! Well done
Wow, thank you, it was a
Wow, thank you, it was a little rushed, but I had fun writing it. When my dark side gets as black as yours, I'll know there's no return, ha ha. Take care, Ruby :)
Zombies
I too love Zombies, met a few when I had a spell working for the probation service. Anyway, loved this. If you haven't seen it may I suggest the French Zombie Film 'The Horde'. Alex
Thanks Alex, I haven't seen
Thanks Alex, I haven't seen it but I'll take a look. Ruby :)
Just watched the trailer, it looks fun.
zombie
And if you would like some humour try 'Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse' Alex
I'll add that to my watch
I'll add that to my watch list, I liked the sound track and the comedy is right up my street. Thank you for the suggestion. Ruby :)
dear Ruby,
thanks for this tasty morsel of darkness... I loved it all from every aspect! a great frolicking romp!
*eddy styx
and Cat
Thank you Cat, I appreciate
Thank you Cat, I appreciate your comments and your read, I've worked on it, since I first posted it on here. I'll probably work on it again at some point. Ruby :)