Lately i’ve been wandering around the edges of love.
It’s like walking past an ornate doorframe, and glancing into a warmly-lit room.
I don’t step inside, but I admire the beauty from the hallway.
I keep on walking and I go outside to an overgrown but flowering garden.
With a little pruning, it could be beautiful.
It’s a place where Love could be and I keep walking.
I go on to the neighboring house and I tiptoe around the perimeter.
I peer into a window and I see two people embracing and I hear a faint melody coming from inside.
It blends beautifully with their laughter.
The front door is open and I stand on the porch and step one foot in, then turn on my heels and walk right back out.
It’s a place where Love could be and so I keep walking.
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Title: Standing in your doorway
Overall, your poem captures the theme of yearning and longing for love in a metaphorical way. The imagery of the ornate doorframe and the warmly-lit room creates a sense of allure and desire. The use of the hallway and the garden as transitional spaces adds depth to the exploration of love. However, there are a few areas where you can further refine and strengthen your poem:
1. Consider varying the language and imagery: While the metaphor of the doorframe and the room is effective, try to introduce more diverse and vivid imagery throughout the poem. This will help engage the reader and create a more dynamic visual experience.
2. Expand on the emotions: The poem hints at the speaker's emotions of longing and hesitation, but it could benefit from further exploration of these feelings. Try to delve deeper into the speaker's internal conflict and provide more insight into their thoughts and emotions.
3. Experiment with line breaks and stanza structure: The current structure of the poem
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Standing In Your Doorway
Hello!
Fantastic first line! What a unique visual. The concept of this entire poem is so charming and magical. I do wonder about the length of most of the lines. This appears to be a style you feel comfortable with, but it might be a bit easier for your reader if it were "pruned" back (much like the flowering garden in your poem) and in a more vertical format. I'll be back to read this enchanting poem again.
Thank you!
Lavender
thank you so much for the
thank you so much for the feedback and for the ideas!! i’ll give the more vertical format a try for sure :) thank you!!
Standing in your doorway
I loved the theme and idea of this. Not so sure of the execution. Personally I would have liked it much tighter and in your face. Alex.