Tyler Jakeway
Sep 24, 2023
This poem is part of the challenge:

September 2023 Challenge Meeting the grim reaper

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Meet the Reaper

Gatekeeper of the underworld,
whose body hides under a cloak,
introduce yourself as you get hurled,
Lying in wait for your next victim to croak,
even though it might not be their time,
No mercy for those cast in molten mercury,
souls drenched in primordial slime every being always spoken to accusatorly.

Tall hooded demon brandishing a Scythe,
I come to question your path,
and witness he who wields the stick and knife,
grim is your name,
is as grim as your game,
Your other alias is death,
syncs nicely with your ability,
lying while dying,
you thieve our precious breath,
or over time with quickening agility.

You may be the grim reaper,
that in itself is anxiety provoking,
but I choose to climb a mountain that's steeper,
I seen you but you ran away because another is choking

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: OR, USA

More from this author

Comments

Lavender

Hello, Tyler,
Some pretty grim descriptions here, which of course, befits the theme. There is an interesting rhyme pattern, which switches up here and there, but still flows fairly smooth, I do suggest to split the last line of the first stanza so that the rhyme pattern can be clear and appreciated:
souls drenched in primordial slime
every being always spoken to accusatory (Hmm...I don't think accusatoroly is a word, is it?)
You may want to tighten up the last line just a bit - slightly wordy. Very strong ending!
Thank you,
L