Born without a silver spoon,
everything must be earned,
struggle is what I read engraved on this rune,
found walking through a city of hope that has all burned,
Ashes completely cover the pavement like wrapping paper,
on the back of the rune was a quote,
shocked exhale in the cold turned air into vapor,
gasping at the words that someone carefully wrote,
saying in order to live, it must be made clear that you must learn to embrace the struggle
Last Few Words: This is the creation from a prompt that asked us to use 3 words in the poem the words were, "spoon, pavement, and quote".
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem, "Magic Words." I appreciate the imagery and themes you have explored. Here are a few suggestions to consider:
1. Expand on the concept of struggle: The idea of struggle is central to your poem, but it would be beneficial to delve deeper into its meaning. You could explore the different forms of struggle one might encounter in life and how they shape us.
2. Consider varying the structure: The poem currently follows a consistent structure with four-line stanzas. Experimenting with different stanza lengths or incorporating rhyme schemes could add more depth and variation to your poem.
3. Enhance the sensory imagery: While you have included some vivid imagery, try to incorporate more sensory details to engage the reader's senses. This will make the poem more immersive and impactful.
4. Clarify the connection between the rune and the struggle: The rune mentioned in the poem seems to hold significance, but it would be helpful to provide more context or explanation for its presence and its connection
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Magic Words
A good effort with some effective imagery. One question I have is the use of "rune," which by most definitions is a letter of an alphabet, or a mark or letter of significance, and I'm wondering whether that's what you meant. Perhaps in this instance it refers to a scrap of leather or a stone with markings on it. No one but the author really knows what a poem is intended to express.
As an aside I would offer that the AI (computer generated) response, as in a number others I have seen, seems off the mark and in this case even misleading. For instance, I think the assertion of "a consistent structure with four-line stanzas" is incorrect -- I see 9 lines. But what does that matter? And adding a rhyme scheme or varying line length to get more "depth" reads like something a computer would offer from a menu, regardless of what was actually written.
The other suggestions, such as "expand on the concept of struggle," "enhance the sensory imagery" and "clarify the connection between the rune and the struggle," also seem picked from a menu or grocery list -- "here are some things to try if you want to completely rewrite" -- but don't really address, except in a backhanded way, what has already been written.
I may be all hot air; it wouldn't be the first time, nor likely the last. But my advice to you is keep writing, write from your heart,and don't let any critics -- human or otherwise -- deter you from working to express in your own way want you want to express.