Blood Summons
Garnet beauty issues its liquid invitation
sometimes, calling from miles away.
The summons offers enticement to my inclinations.
Lust rolls over me like the chaotic advance
of a lynch mob, intending to overwhelm my senses.
On the scent, soon I will be fully caught up in its power,
helpless to break the spell of the blood lust until unrestrained,
I strike again...
Last Few Words: Preparing for "The Book of Styx II" thanks in advance for your help!
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dear Rosi,
LOL! Thanks for reading and commenting.
love, Cat
Hi Cat ...
I hope you are doing well ... glad to see "Eddy" posting.
Garnet; it is one of those words to me, that almost seem
pretentiously poetic, like; crimson, azure, I don't know, there
are a lot of em ... and poets today are wearing them out, for
me anyway. But it is your poem, and I've used them too, but
it doesn't sound like an "Eddy" word (to me).
The only other thing that I would do to this write is remove
a couple of the personal pronouns ...
calling (to me) from miles away ...
Lust rolls over (me) like the ...
"soon I will be caught up in its power" (in the previous
line he was already overpowered) ?
good to see you Cat ...
Richard
Dear Richard,
Thank you for pointing out these problems. I have made changes in most cases. But garnet is an "eddy" word because the stone looks like blood. If you can give me a replacement word I will gladly consider it. You have been most helpful.
always, Cat
Cat
My fav bit ' garnet beauty issues its liquid invitation '. You are tantalising us with these short burts.
Lou ( and Soul Keeper)
to Lou and Soul Keeper!
Thanks friends, I cannot wait to read about soul Keeper's exploits and thoughts!
love, Cat
Cat
Right on the money; deliciously and delicately savage and insane.
I agree with the use of some of the pronouns, you could lose them and detract nothing from the piece. Garnet is slightly grandiose maybe, but I think it fits Mr. Styx's character, and if you've ever seen garnet glowing on a mountainside in the sun's rays just before dusk, it really does look like fresh blood, so I for one like the first line very much.
The word "stride" in the fourth line seems to ordered to me. Perhaps "chaos", or "coiling"?
Eddie continues to fascinate and captivate!
Dear Jim,
I have heard about the garnet glow like fresh blood on the mountain :) that is why it is eddy's favorite gemstone. I changed the sentence in question, I hpe it reads easier for you now. Thanks for your help!
always, Cat
Thanks, Chrys. It is so good
Thanks, Chrys. It is so good to see you on the Neo site again. How are you doing?
love, Cat
Dear Shirl,
That's the problem with eddy, he is always hungry and never satisfied, lol. Don't worry, I have plenty more of his exploits for you to read, as I am working on, "The Book of Styx II" and need more help with the editing.
love, Cat
I for one
I for one really liked this and I guess I have some catching up to do.Is "The Book of Stix 1" posted on here?
And I'm chomping at the bit to read more of this one.Thanks for sharing Cat:-)
Dear KZ,
"The Book of Styx" is not posted here because it is a finished piece of work. I am now editing the second manuscript which will be posted on neo. If you are interested in "The book of Styx" you can order it at:
http://www.genremall.com/poetryr.htm
Thank you so very much for the interest. I believe it is at a very low cost.
always, Cat (and eddy)
Awesome
I found it, I intend on getting it as soon as I can.Thanks Cat.
Dear Bee,
I cannot take all the credit for this, I had skillful help from seasoned readers. Thanks for the read.
always, Cat
Cat
Cat,
don't think I'd read this one before?
It is perfect Styx, and his usual slanted view of the world.
fast paced read, and exceptional ending.
regards,
HS
Dear Dan,
This piece is near the beginning of the manuscript you read. After reading and commenting on that whole big cache of poems, I can see how you might have missed one or two. By the way, thanks so much for all your time spent with eddy styx. You're a real darlin!
love, Cat
Candlewitch
Is this poem about a vampire. I'm probably completely off course with this one. There is a strange eroticism people attach to the myth of the vampire. And its gain a resurgence lately hasn't it. Its all a bit beyond me, I enjoyed "Interview With a Vampire" some years back. And I enjoyed this poem, only crit really is that it ended too abruptly. There could have been more. I think its good to have an alterego in writing, to experiment and write as if you were a different person.
Enjoyable one.
John
Dear John,
eddy styx is a stalker and serial killer. He does romanticize vampires, too, and writes about them on occasion. So you're not far off. I'm glad you enjoyed the read. I have a book out, titled: "The Book of Styx" which can be found at:
http://www.genremall.com/poetryr.htm
I am currently working on the next installment, "The Book of Styx II"