Every time I go to school
I see teacher looking cool
Holding a cane at the gate
As I run behind my mate.
Every time I go to school
I see students at the pool
Many run across the lane
When the teacher holds a cane.
Every time I go to school
Mummy sits down on the stool
Selling pap to the people
While I make my way simple.
Every time I go to school
My body heavy as tool
Always shedding tears like rain
Before I decide to reign.
Last Few Words: When I was a child, my mother always showed me the way to school with a long stick on her hand. After some days, I walked to school by myself but faced some challenges.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Back To School" presents a vivid picture of a student's daily school experience. It utilizes a repetitive structure, which is effective in creating a rhythm and emphasizing the recurring nature of the depicted events. However, the repetition could be better utilized to build upon the narrative or introduce new elements to keep the reader engaged.
The use of rhyme is consistent and adds to the rhythm of the poem. However, some rhymes seem forced and disrupt the natural flow of the poem. For instance, the lines "My body heavy as tool / Always shedding tears like rain" could be revised for smoother syntax and clearer imagery.
The poem could benefit from more specific imagery and sensory details. While the current descriptions provide a general picture, they lack the depth that could make the poem more engaging. For example, instead of simply stating "I see teacher looking cool", the poem could describe specific attributes or actions that make the teacher appear 'cool'.
The poem's theme of the daily struggles of school life is clear, but the emotional impact could be enhanced. The last two lines, "Always shedding tears like rain / Before I decide to reign" suggest a shift from struggle to empowerment. However, this transition is abrupt and could be developed more gradually throughout the poem.
The poem's structure could also be improved. Each stanza begins with the same line, but the following lines do not always directly relate to each other. A more coherent structure could help to clarify the poem's narrative and themes.
Finally, the poem's language is straightforward and accessible, which is suitable for its theme. However, more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures could add depth and sophistication to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Back To School
Hello!
Your poetry always gives me much to think about - a different way of life, yet with so many similar emotions to feel. I can feel the hesitation and wariness toward the teacher with the cane, I can hear the children as they play and run away from the pool. Your lovely rhyme and choice of language lets me understand this child's (your) thoughts. The final stanza brings the pace of the poem to a slowed-down, deeper inner reflection. Very melancholy.
Thank you for sharing this,
L
Lavender
I like your comment... You're good to learn from!
I really enjoy
your work!
L