I remember the day so well
It was the start of our story to tell
We were both so shy and so scared
Neither of us had a clue how to be prepared
We met at a dance one happy day
We were scared, but we both had to stay
We talked and laughed and shared our hearts
It was then our journey did start
We talked for hours and we never ran out
About our hopes and our doubts
We shared our secrets and our fears
And wiped away each other's tears
It was then that I knew
Our connection was true
I had found someone to love
And I thank the stars above
56 years have now been passed
Showing us that our love would last
Growing older each and every year
Reminds us of our love so dear
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Remember How We Met" presents a narrative of a long-lasting love story, which is a popular theme in poetry. The use of simple language makes the story accessible to a wide audience. However, there are areas that could be improved to enhance the poem's overall impact.
1. Rhyme and Rhythm: The poem maintains a consistent ABAB rhyme scheme throughout, which provides a sense of structure. However, the rhythm is inconsistent. For instance, the first stanza has lines of varying syllable counts, which disrupts the flow. Consider revising to establish a more consistent rhythm.
2. Imagery: While the poem tells a story, it lacks vivid imagery that could make the narrative more engaging. Instead of telling the reader that the characters "talked and laughed and shared our hearts," show this through specific actions or dialogue.
3. Clichés: The poem relies heavily on clichés, such as "thank the stars above" and "our love so dear." While these phrases are familiar and easily understood, they don't contribute to a unique or memorable poem. Consider replacing these with more original expressions.
4. Show, Don't Tell: The poem often tells the reader what is happening or how the characters feel, rather than showing this through actions, dialogue, or sensory details. For example, instead of stating "We were both so shy and so scared," show this through their actions or thoughts.
5. Emotional Depth: The poem could benefit from a deeper exploration of emotions. The characters' feelings are stated directly, but the poem doesn't delve into these emotions or explore their complexity. This could add depth to the characters and make their love story more engaging.
In conclusion, while the poem tells a sweet love story, it could be improved by focusing on rhythm, imagery, avoiding clichés, showing instead of telling, and exploring emotions more deeply.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Remember How We Met
Hello, Clentin,
I take it that it is your anniversary? Cool! A tender homage to such a poem-worthy event! I think the meter could be pulled in a bit, but your rhyme is logical and tight.
Thank you, and congratulations!
L
(Perhaps use "how" in place of "what" in the fourth line.)
Thankyou. Made the suggested
Thankyou. Made the suggested change, I will review poem again.
Thank you
Thankyou. Made the suggested
Thankyou. Made the suggested change, I will review poem again.
Thank you