Clentin
Aug 10, 2023
This poem is part of the challenge:

August 2023 Challenge A Strange Story

(Read More...)

Second Chance

The image I really remember
Returns every year in December

It was the year I nearly died
When all my family members cried

I had thoughts of a bright light
Even though it was clearly night

I saw my soul move from my chest
While I layed back at rest

My wife was in deep despair
Crying and showing such care

The voice I heard so clear
Reminded my why I was here

I asked if I was to stay in this place
That reflected the light upon my face

No said the warming angelic voice
You do not have a real choice

You are to listen and take to heart
The messages before we part

The Angel was quite clear
I was told not to fear

My soul suddenly returned to my chest
My eyes opened while I laid at rest

My wife was happy to see me back
Hoping my life would be back on track

These images return each December
Reminding me to remember

Why I was returned to my wife
And how I was to change my life

A second chance to make things right
A fresh start with a brand new sight

A new life that would set me free
Filled with love, peace joy and glee

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Second Chance (My Image of the)" effectively uses narrative and rhyme to convey a deeply personal and transformative experience. The narrative structure is clear and the progression of events is easy to follow, which aids in reader engagement.

However, the poem could benefit from more varied and evocative language. The language used is quite straightforward, which can limit the emotional impact of the poem. For example, "It was the year I nearly died / When all my family members cried" could be rephrased with more descriptive language to evoke a stronger emotional response.

The rhyme scheme is consistent throughout the poem, which gives it a rhythmic quality. However, some lines feel forced to fit the rhyme scheme, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, "No said the warming angelic voice / You do not have a real choice" could be reworked to maintain the rhyme without compromising the natural rhythm of the language.

The poem also uses repetition effectively, particularly with the recurring image of December. This serves to reinforce the significance of the event and its lasting impact on the speaker. However, the repetition of "My soul suddenly returned to my chest / My eyes opened while I laid at rest" feels redundant and could be replaced with new information or imagery to keep the reader engaged.

Finally, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the speaker's transformation. The final lines suggest a significant change, but this change is not fully explored in the poem. Providing more details about how the speaker's life has changed could add depth to the poem and make the transformation feel more real and impactful to the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Hello, Clentin,
Wow! An amazing experience! Very inspiring and comforting.

Your rhyme pattern flowed so easily all the way through - it made me really wish that last couplet had a true rhyme. Yet still, a reassuring experience!
Thank you,
L

C

Thank you for reading and comments
The last stanza, I thought rhymed?
What did you mean by True rhyme?

Lavender

So sorry, I wasn't very clear. Your other lines carry exact rhymes, and when read, really add to the lovely flow of the poem. While your final couplet is very good, especially in meaning, "full" and "rule" make a noticeably near rhyme, not a true or identical rhyme.

What I meant by true rhyme would be something similar to:
full rhyming with pull
rule rhyming with fuel

So sorry if this is still confusing...
L