Alan Garfoot
Alan Garfoot
Aug 12, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week August 6th to August 11th

(Read More...)

Affirmation

I claim it as our right to know a true lasting peace,
Powers know I wish wars end and conflict cease,
And human beings not live begging on their knees,
So grant my affirmation of hope I so desire please.

Unite the human nations under a banner of love,
Aspiring to colonise planets in the heavens above,
Inspiring creeds of higher nature pure and good,
Awakening the ancient knowledge in our blood.

Leaders of our peoples in your efforts do not tire,
Feel the passion and dedication of your hearts fire,
Shining inner wisdoms light on the path up higher,
Tempering the sword of knowledge with our desire.

Embodying the essence of a self and spirit aligned,
With the dynamics of emotion so perfectly refined,
And lead us into a future so truly pure and divine,
So all individuals resonate a unique cosmic mind.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: England, UK

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "Affirmation", is a plea for peace, unity, and enlightenment. It uses a variety of poetic devices to convey its message, including rhyme, rhythm, and imagery.

One area to consider for improvement is the clarity of the poem's message. While the poem's overall theme of peace and unity is clear, some of the individual stanzas can be a bit abstract, making it difficult for the reader to understand the specific point being made. For example, the line "Awakening the ancient knowledge in our blood" could benefit from further explanation or context.

The poem's rhythm could also be improved. While the poem does have a consistent rhyme scheme, the rhythm varies from line to line. This can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it more difficult for the reader to follow along. Consider revising the poem to ensure a more consistent rhythm.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery. While the poem does use some imagery, such as "colonise planets in the heavens above", much of the poem is quite abstract. More concrete imagery could help to ground the poem and make its message more tangible to the reader.

Overall, this poem has a strong message and uses a variety of poetic devices to convey it. With some revisions to improve clarity, rhythm, and imagery, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Beautiful. Powerful. Just reading it gives me hope.
Thank you,
L