Stars shine above…
Their reflections in the waves.
The rush of a warm breeze
flows across my skin.
Sandy feet and salt water hair
bask in the moonlight
What I wouldn’t give
for these tropical summer nights
to last a lifetime.
Stars shine above…
Their reflections in the waves.
The rush of a warm breeze
flows across my skin.
Sandy feet and salt water hair
bask in the moonlight
What I wouldn’t give
for these tropical summer nights
to last a lifetime.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Hot Summer Nights" effectively uses sensory details to create a vivid and immersive setting. The use of phrases such as "Stars shine above", "rush of a warm breeze", and "Sandy feet and salt water hair" work well to engage the reader's senses and transport them to the scene.
However, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. The majority of the lines in the poem are simple sentences, which can make the poem feel somewhat monotonous. Experimenting with more complex sentence structures could add rhythm and interest to the poem.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from more exploration of the speaker's emotions. The line "What I wouldn’t give for these tropical summer nights to last a lifetime" suggests a longing or desire, but this emotion is not fully developed in the poem. Expanding on this emotion could add depth to the poem and make the speaker's experience more relatable to the reader.
Lastly, the poem could use more metaphorical language. While the sensory details are effective in creating a vivid setting, the use of metaphors could add another layer of meaning to the poem and make it more thought-provoking for the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Love it
Makes me feel like I am back on the ocean again. One of my favorite spots.
Thank you!
It's one of my favorite places to be too!
Simple...
plain language that describes a scene that anyone who has ever swum in the ocean will remember.
Love it! ~ Geezer.
.
Thank you
Thanks, Geezer! I appreciate the feedback!
Simple
Beautiful visual...I could smell the salt water hair...it's been so long since I've vacationed on a beach...good job
Thank you!
I could smell it too! Thank you for the feedback, RoseBlack!