She always says "I love you Button."
I sometimes say "You’re like the end of a good day."
She often smiles when I say this and asks,
“Which parts though? I like to know,
so I can be sure of what I did right."
And I can't stop telling her about all of them.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
I understand...
the meaning of the poem, but if you say, "You're like the end of a good day, shouldn't she ask, which one? I would say that "You are like a great day." Then the question of which part would make more sense. I love the sentiment. ~ Geezer.
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Thanks Geez! This was
Thanks Geez! This was inspired by actual converstaions, so I wrote what she asked. The thought being there have been many good days together, rather than any specific one. I was trying to convey how one feels at the end of a good day filled with many parts. I think I mostly got there, but...
Cheers
I often...
write of actual conversations and incidents, but where they are at odds with a particular piece, part or thing, I can change it to make sense without any feeling of betrayal of the moment. It is still just as valid and more so, because I really get the point across, without having to explain it. Like I said, I love the sentiment. ~ Geez.
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I hear you about changing the
I hear you about changing the wording to clarify a thought or a moment in a poem, and have done so often. We'll agree to disagree then about there being something at odds with this piece. Clearly, the sentiment comes across, despite style preferences - thanks geez!
Best
You know what?...
After going back to read this for the nth time, I discovered that I was wrong. I misread it. My bad! It makes much better sense, the way you wrote it.! ~ Geez.
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Being Sure
Hello, Michael,
Sometimes poetry is about what it triggers with the reader. For me, this is about all the good parts blended into a simple, wonderful affirmation. Perfect title.
Thank you,
L
I appreciated
..the entire sentiment. It reminded me of something in my life also...not word for word, but it brought me back to maybe a thousand years ago, or maybe it was yesterday. The last line was too perfect and sometimes, expression needs no title.
I don't think much would make it better. Its brevity is its strength.
Thomas