Alan Garfoot
Alan Garfoot
Aug 07, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week August 6th to August 11th

(Read More...)

Sublime Refined Divine

Focusing upon the soul through spiritual meditation,
We realise the core meanings of our innermost mind,
Sculpting our true natures through the will of self creation
To discover our pure connection to the unique and divine.

As we voyage to the deep through our mental introspection,
The energies of emotional realities so begin to emerge,
And actual truth of our meanings manifests in our reflection,
As the internalisation of subconscious essences converge.

With the sediments of self finally settling into stratification,
Our alignments of our true inner form begins to manifest,
And with an emergent feeling of profound blissful elation,
We displace then overcome the discordant fears of distress.

Then finally travelling unto the crystal cave of mystic wonder,
Unifying through the Pineal nexus of our astral unique soul,
The true reality of the mind we at last have finally uncovered,
Our unique individuality and perfect place within the whole.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: England, UK

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Sublime Refined Divine" presents a deep exploration of the self through spiritual meditation and introspection. The use of rich, evocative language and metaphors effectively conveys the journey of self-discovery and the realization of one's place in the universe.

However, the poem could benefit from a more varied rhythm and structure. The current form, while consistent, can feel monotonous and may detract from the depth of the subject matter. Experimenting with different line lengths, stanza structures, or rhythmic patterns could enhance the poem's overall impact.

The poem also leans heavily on abstract concepts, such as "the energies of emotional realities" and "the internalisation of subconscious essences". While these phrases are intriguing, they could be clarified or grounded with more concrete imagery or examples. This would make the poem more accessible to readers and increase its emotional resonance.

Lastly, the poem's language is quite formal and complex. While this can add a sense of gravity and seriousness to the subject matter, it may also make the poem less approachable for some readers. Simplifying the language or incorporating more everyday vocabulary could make the poem more relatable without sacrificing its depth.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

RoseBlack

A journey through astral projection...the things were discover when we are surfing the astral plane...I have had several experiences there during a reiki session. Great description in this piece. I love the spiritual elements to your writing. Well done.

Alan Garfoot

thankyou, i no longer do healing sessions but loved them when i did, i study psychology and counselling at university instead...

thankyou kindly...

a.p.

Alan Garfoot

I studied philosophy at cardiff until i had a breakdown in my very early twenties...

wrote a notebook of poetry during the process, one mad night on a whim posted it through a temple letterbox

all got plagerised...

i had no backups

'we found love'

'no place i'ld rather be'

'centuries'

'deep six'

all mine...

il never see a penny or get credited for any of it...

i hope they fucking hurt at night!