Clentin
Aug 08, 2023

Hot Night

Hot night
Fueled by her love
Hugging throughout the hour
Deepening my feelings for her
Midnight

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Hot Night" presents a clear narrative and emotional journey, which is commendable. However, there are areas that could be improved for a more impactful delivery.

1. Imagery: The poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. Instead of stating "Fueled by her love", consider showing how her love fuels the night. This could be done through metaphors, similes, or other descriptive language.

2. Structure: The structure of the poem is simple and straightforward, which can work well for certain themes. However, for a theme as complex as love, a more intricate structure might better convey the depth of the emotion.

3. Word Choice: The words used in the poem are quite generic. Using more unique and specific words could help to create a more memorable and impactful poem.

4. Emotional Depth: The poem could delve deeper into the emotions of the speaker. Instead of simply stating "Deepening my feelings for her", the poem could explore what these feelings are, why they are deepening, and how this affects the speaker.

5. Rhythm and Meter: The rhythm and meter of the poem seem inconsistent. This can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it less enjoyable to read. Consider revising the poem to create a more consistent rhythm and meter.

6. Use of Time: The poem uses "Midnight" as a standalone line. While this can be a powerful technique, it is unclear how this relates to the rest of the poem. Consider expanding on this to clarify its significance.

In summary, while the poem has a clear narrative and emotional journey, it could benefit from more vivid imagery, a more complex structure, more unique word choices, deeper emotional exploration, a more consistent rhythm and meter, and a clearer use of time.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

plain and simple is great. However, when the subject becomes, who, what, when or how; it detracts from the story. ~ Geezer.
.

C

Thank you for your comments. I used this form as practice and tried to write the poem for the reader to ask who, what etc.
Thankyou