Come now, my Darling
So far yet so near
Even at a distance
I can feel your every fear
A silent scream only the one can hear
Talk to me, I'll be right there
Tainted breath on broken lips
Let me kiss away
Every single tear
No need to disappear
We aren't so different
It's like looking in a mirror
Loving blindly to fit in
Wrapped in the cloak
Of someone else's sin
I hear your wants
And feel your needs
We've lowered our expectations
Afraid to exceed
Twin flames indeed
Flaws and all
This hell shall pass
I see your soul buried under the wrath
Say my name and I'll answer the call
And brick by brick, tear down your wall
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem exhibits a strong command of rhythm and rhyme, which contributes to its overall flow and readability. The use of intimate and emotive language effectively conveys a sense of longing and connection between the speaker and the addressee.
The poem could benefit from a more consistent use of imagery. For instance, the "tainted breath on broken lips" and "your soul buried under the wrath" are vivid and evocative, but such images are not consistently present throughout the poem.
The theme of the poem, which seems to be about a deep, empathetic connection between two individuals, could be clarified. The lines "We aren't so different / It's like looking in a mirror" suggest a reflection or similarity between the two characters, but this concept is not fully explored or tied into the rest of the poem.
The poem's structure could be improved for better coherence. The stanzas vary in length and do not have a consistent rhyme scheme, which can disrupt the reader's engagement.
The line "Twin flames indeed" could be expanded upon to make its meaning clearer. The term "twin flames" is a specific spiritual concept that might not be familiar to all readers.
Finally, the title "Somebody Is Missing (Challenge)" does not seem to directly relate to the content of the poem. Consider revising the title to better reflect the poem's theme or main idea.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I know we have in all likely
I know we have in all likely-hood never met...
But there is a familiarity in themes to your work which is reflected in your word choice...
in some circles i am known as 'the one'
I disappeared and was a missing person for many months last year
I believe in the 'Twin Flame' New-Age Philosophy
I love blindly
Personally it resonates with me, I like it!
Good Read!
A.P.
Thank you A.P.
I am glad this resonates with you. This is another personal piece for me. I have never been the one...always one of the ones and never anyone's first choice but I seem to be able to feel and connect regardless. It really is a curse most days.
hello Carrie,
I too, like this poem. I think (AI) does not understand such things as nuances. to name one point. your poem is clear as a bell's song. one to be proud of!
*hugs & love, Cat
Hi Cat
So good to see you. Hope you are well! Thank you for the read and comment. I don't think AI understands me at all...at least it had something positive to say this time. These personal pieces take some time to work through. I'm glad you liked it.
this is one...
of those timeless writes...I am still in awe of your prowess!
*much love, Cat
Thanks Cat
As always for your lovely read and comment