Exasperation

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Exasperation" effectively conveys a sense of frustration and despair, using a consistent rhyme scheme to maintain a rhythmic flow. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

1. Imagery: The poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. The use of concrete details can make the emotions more palpable and relatable to the reader. For instance, instead of saying "A voice causing me to fear", the poet could describe the voice and its effect in more detail.

2. Show, Don't Tell: The poem often tells the reader how the speaker feels instead of showing it through actions, thoughts, or interactions. For example, "But I try to remain strong" could be demonstrated through a specific action or thought that shows resilience.

3. Metaphor and Simile: The poem could employ more metaphorical or simile-based language to enhance its emotional depth. For example, the line "Everything I do is wrong" could be rephrased using a metaphor that captures the sense of constant failure.

4. Punctuation: The poem lacks consistent punctuation, which can disrupt the flow and clarity. Adding or adjusting punctuation can guide the reader through the poem's rhythm and emphasize certain points.

5. Theme Development: The theme of despair and frustration is clear, but it could be developed further. The speaker's feelings of being monitored and controlled could be explored in more depth, perhaps by introducing a specific antagonist or oppressive system.

6. Line Breaks: The use of line breaks could be more strategic. Line breaks can be used to emphasize certain words or ideas, create suspense, or control the poem's pace.

7. Ending: The ending of the poem is quite strong, with a powerful statement about the speaker's state of mind. However, the transition to this conclusion could be smoother, perhaps by building up to this revelation more gradually or foreshadowing it earlier in the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

to be getting the rhyme almost perfect,
yet... I think that your flow might be better if you will pay more attention
to your meter. When the meter is even or nearly so, it produces a smoother
piece of work. As a poet reads this, they are automatically feeling the flow and
when it is bottled up, it becomes more the effort to fix it, than getting the message.

Sometimes, the way that the words are strung together, has a better effect than getting the meter
exactly right. I would rearrange some of the lines here so that they produce a smoother vibe.
Sometimes, just a minor difference in the word itself makes a world of difference.

I wake each morning only to hear
A voice that [causes] me to fear

What [have I] done the day before?
What [have I] spilled [upon] the floor?

My actions monitored [every] minute
No matter the day[,] without limit [A pause, can be as effective as a word]

See if you can tell how to make the rest of your lines smoother, by employing such methods.

Reading aloud, is key here. [note: constructing a line by simply counting beats, is not always effective].
Most times, I count [pun intended] on the natural breathing method. It will tell you where you need extra syllables.
~ Geezer.
.

Hello, Clentin,
A bit different theme than your usual. I feel the anxiety and frustration. The poem leaves me wondering what causes this: the stress of the world? guilt? someone's opinion? Pretty intense language. I agree that the meter in several places could use a bit of work, and I also agree with Geezer's suggestion to read aloud - best when exaggerating your voice. I'm wondering if "final" might be used instead of "last" in the last line to help its flow. So, that final line...very strong!
Thank you,
L