Michael Anthony
Michael Anthony
Jul 18, 2023

Inside Pitch

“The world is depressing tonight.", I declare.
A cruel darkness seemingly holding sway all around us.
But she knows how to deflect my anxiety.

With our game on in the background,
she offers, "Did you know a two-seamer
is also known as a sinker ball?"
"Actually, I wasn’t really sure about that.", I say.

Our conversation spins away from my misgivings
to the many names given to pitched baseballs,
my disquiet soon forgotten.

In this way, she is a skilled practitioner.
Mending all that needs fixing tonight,
as our team’s batter slashes a single to left
with runners in scoring position!

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: San Francisco Bay Area - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Bukowski

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Inside Pitch" effectively utilizes the metaphor of a baseball game to depict a conversation between two characters, one of whom is attempting to alleviate the other's anxiety. The metaphor is well developed and consistent throughout the poem, providing a clear narrative and emotional arc.

The first stanza sets up the emotional context and introduces the characters. However, the phrase "A cruel darkness seemingly holding sway all around us" is somewhat abstract and could benefit from more concrete imagery or specific details to ground the reader in the speaker's emotional state.

The second stanza introduces the baseball metaphor, which is used effectively to shift the conversation away from the speaker's anxiety. The dialogue is natural and believable, and the specific terminology ("two-seamer", "sinker ball") adds authenticity to the scene.

The third stanza could benefit from more varied sentence structure to maintain reader interest. The repetition of "my" at the beginning of two lines in a row creates a somewhat monotonous rhythm.

The final stanza concludes the poem on a hopeful note, reinforcing the baseball metaphor and the theme of comfort and distraction. The phrase "Mending all that needs fixing tonight" is a bit clichéd and could be replaced with a more original or specific description.

The use of the present tense throughout the poem creates a sense of immediacy and engagement, and the conversational tone is consistent and effective. Overall, the poem is well structured and the metaphor is used effectively to convey the emotional journey of the speaker.

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Lavender

Hello, Michael,
So much going on here in this lovely, relatable conversation. Companionship and concern, and hopefully a run brought in! Love that the conversation "spins" away, much like the pitch. Charming poetry.
L