The gentle cluck of chickens
Distant bark of a shepard dog
The famer's low voice hyupping
Coming through the valley's fog
Splitting wood... kachunk, a rattle
Coffee smells and sweet corn bread
Wash yourselves and wake up
Come on boys, get out of bed
Breakfast of eggs and sausage
The fruit of orchard on toast
The morning just getting on, son
This is a time I love the most
The sun rising up o'er the hillside
Shines sweet on the laundry line
The Mrs. singing, a doo-dah soft
On a Sunday morning so fine
Yes, Sunday morning so fine
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses sensory details to create a vivid image of a Sunday morning on a farm. The sounds, smells, and sights all contribute to the atmosphere and setting. The use of dialect ("hyupping", "doo-dah") also adds authenticity and character to the poem.
However, the poem could benefit from more consistent rhythm and rhyme. The first and third stanzas have an ABAB rhyme scheme, while the second and fourth stanzas have an AABB rhyme scheme. The fifth stanza has an AA rhyme scheme. Consistency in rhyme scheme can help create a more seamless reading experience.
Additionally, the rhythm of the poem is somewhat irregular, with lines varying in length and syllable count. This can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it harder for the reader to follow. Consider revising the poem to have a more consistent rhythm.
Lastly, while the poem does a good job of describing the setting and atmosphere, it could benefit from more exploration of the speaker's emotions or thoughts. This could add depth to the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I've taken...
your advice and shortened a couple of the lines, to make the rhythm better. ~ Geezer.
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You've created a completely
You've created a completely relaxed atmosphere here for the reader and as it led me through the poem I could see your farm and hear the farmer's low voice while chopping wood.
It's almost like a story book being opened a page at a time, that is how good it reads for me. Ruby :)
Thank you...
That was my intention. I remember from spending time with some great people on a farm. These people don't have time for church on a Sunday morning [or any morning], but they have a certain religious quality in the way they live their lives. I found them very willing to give of themselves, and whatever they have. They work hard and expect everyone to do their share.
Each person according to their abilities and strengths, gives back to the community. Even the children, gather eggs, collect wood and kindling. Of course, they also enjoy some freedom to swim in the creek and play games with the babies. I don't see the things that the AI says about the rhyme scheme, but I will check out the meter a little more closely. Thank you much for your read and comments. ~ Geez.
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Bollocks to heaven,,,, this
Bollocks to heaven,,,, this'll do me jus' fine !!!
Obi.
I feel like...
I've been graced with an ultimate compliment! Thank you! ~ Geez.
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sunday mornings
This is exactly how I wish I could spend my Sunday mornings. Thank you for transporting me there, nicely done.
- leo
Interesting
It kinda feels like it has the makings of a good old folk song. Nice job buddy.
Tim
Thanks man...
Glad that it came across that way. Exactly how I wanted. ~ Geez.
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Sunday
As the son of a Poultry and Pig farmer this bought back a few memories. Only a couple of lines I felt could be edited a little. Interesting to note AI's comments almost mirrors one it made of mine. Not sure he is really fit for purpose yet. Give me an honest person anyday. Alex
I'm always glad...
to hear your opinion. I will look at it again to see what I might have missed, or you could tell me. I'm not afraid of a little criticism. I can take it. LoL
~ Geezer.
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No change
Hi Geezer. When I read poetry I read it as though I were performing it in a play. I finally approached yours just right, I think. I certainly had it flowing nicely after several readings. Leave it as it is. Now I must go and feed the pigs, sorry, grandchildren. Alex
Hi Geezer
I love your humanity, how you describe your life. This is so visual, and it's warm, and full of love.
It's a moment in time. A photograph, a snapshot.
Thank you.
Wow...
thanks for the glory, you guys. Having gotten to this ripe, old age of seventy-five. I like to think that I am a pretty good judge of people and places you find them. I enjoyed spending a season with them and the familial-feel I got. ~ Geezer.
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