Once Upon a Time... Neopoet Challenge.

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem presents a narrative of a person's life journey, from youthful vigor to the weariness of old age, which is a universal theme that many readers can relate to. The use of colloquial language and casual tone gives the poem a conversational feel, making it accessible to a broad audience.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The current scheme seems to fluctuate, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the second and fourth lines of each stanza rhyme, but the first and third lines do not always follow this pattern. Consistency in this area could enhance the musicality of the poem.

The imagery in the poem is vivid, particularly in the lines "I was a cat out on the prowl / I fought with bigger dogs". However, the poem could benefit from a deeper exploration of these images and metaphors. For instance, what specific experiences or emotions do these images represent? Expanding on these could add depth and complexity to the poem.

The ending of the poem is impactful, with the protagonist refusing to give up despite their age and weariness. However, the transition to this resolution could be smoother. The preceding stanzas focus on the protagonist's past mistakes and regrets, and the sudden shift to a defiant attitude in the final stanza feels abrupt. Developing this transition more gradually could make the protagonist's determination feel more earned and impactful.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the protagonist's emotions and experiences. The current narrative is somewhat one-dimensional, focusing mainly on the protagonist's regrets and mistakes. Incorporating more varied and complex emotions could make the protagonist more relatable and the narrative more engaging.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I feel your words in my bones... I have lived my life on its terms. your poem tells a story of a person who met every challenge, rising to the occasion with a sense of personal honor and integrity.

it is the last line that grates, or is it just me?

*love, Cat

I felt this in my soul. Like Cat, I have lived life on its terms and only recently have started doing what I want to do. Your poem speaks of determination despite regrets. I for one am glad life hasn't fired you yet.

I cannot say that I've always done things the way that I wanted to, rather than following someone else's advice in order to avoid taking responsibility for the decision. Cat was definitely that person and I've benefited from seeing her approach to life. It took a lot of years, but she forced me to make decisions for myself and to accept the responsibilty for them. I am envious, to some extent, of someone who learned that early enough to make a lot of interesting mistakes. As long as we learn from them and don't repeat, we should keep right on just doing it!

Thanks for the great read, Geezer!

forget what I wrote about the last line? I read the poem again this early morning using fresh eyes and attitude and found that there is nothing wrong with that line. please leave it as is. it fits the tone of the poem,

*love, Cat

Great poem Geezer. I can relate to it all. I was intrigued by Cat's initial unease about the last line so I'd like to comment about it.
There are a number of ways that this last line can be read (out loud) - it really depends on how you want to read the poem as a whole.
Where do you want to put the emphasis? - on the "you" - on the "are" - or on the "fired" - that's got to be up to the reader of the poem whether it's you or some other other.
OR one could shorten the phrase "you are" to "you're fired" . Personally I like this slight adjustment - but that's only because in my mind's eye (or ear) I can hear that brief pause before the guillotine drops when Alan Sugar (Lord) says it on the UK version of "The Apprentice".

Nice poem, good rhyming schemes and delivers the changes you've experienced through your life.

Although exploring your regrets seems a little indulgent and I wanted you to add to the poem your successes in order to lift me, the reader.
This last thing is a refelction on me and not you.
I dislike the words some and thing, so something, someone, thing, etc grates on me.

Being specific about your subjects, may make your poem stronger?

Take care, Ruby :)

You sure you have no accomplishement's?
How many times have tou helped me and others on here?
How many times have you used the best approach on me and others to get the best out of us?
Maybe it's your ability, style and willingness to encourage other poets, isn't that an accomplishment?
Ruby :)

Hello, Geezer,
Once upon a time...I can relate so well. But I think if you can state that you "shot for something our of range", then you gave more than 100%, and that is fantastic. Perfect final line.
L

I really liked how relatable this poem is and it made think of a rock star living their life on their own terms. Racing down the highway or living out of truck. To the common man it doesn’t seem too far fetched either. I think for most being an adult is being held accountable. The freedom and the acceptable nature of letting the chips fall as they May is so refreshing. Most ppl live under rigid rules or expectations. They would not dare take the risks or make the mistakes you noted. As they wouldn’t have the life worth living aspect that this poem rung true for me.
I did read the poem twice and in the gentlest way possible agree the last line or word choice was a little flat. I kinda just wanted to add my own ended because everything up to that point was so great and easy to follow along. Since it was so great and the ending was not my wow moment it makes me want a sequel like a great movie. Officially a fan as of today.

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