Jenifer James
Jul 16, 2023
This poem is part of the challenge:

July 2023 Challenge Once upon a time

(Read More...)

Once upon a time

Once I found myself
Upon an arched-boned bridge.

A bell rang.

Time ceased,

Incised through granite sundials,

Motionless,

Exactly midnight, paused.

Across the hours, space occurred
Between minutes, seconds vanished,
Shocked. Was I dreaming?

A bell rang.

I stumbled across a courtyard,
Seeking soup,
Sustenance, from the arms of robed men,
Eyeless men, faces covered in cloth.

A bell rang.

The prince screamed,
Hags, eyes set too close together,
Glared inquisitively through mirrors,
The princess fainted, fluttering to the ground,
Tarred in feathers.

Unnoticed, I

A bell rang.

Passed from sight,

A bell rang.

Obsolete,

A bell rang.

No-one came

A bell rang.

Time ceased.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Such fun. I love fairy stories, gothic stories, nightmares and dreams...

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: nsw, australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Too many influences

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

I see a nightmare here! I have my own interpretation of the thing, but I am impressed with your short, sometimes couple of word lines that took me on a trip, not sure where this one went, but I like where it took me. ~ Geez.
.

J

I agree - but most fairy tales ARE nightmare-like, at least the old ones were, before being sanitised and cleaned up! I love these competitions - they take me out of my usual gloom and doom poems into a 'slightly' different head space.
Did you notice my spelled out lines for Once Upon A Time? Hope you did, because that was me being too clever by half!

Geezer

I missed that part. Sorry... I was however, intrigued by the lines of

"Time ceased,
Incised through granite sundials,
Motionless"

I was wondering if they were like the sandals of the Statue of Liberty? That was my vision. But wait, she is bronze! Who's sandals are they?
~ Geezer.
.

J

...in the vast halls of imagination and spooky, squeaking doors... they can be the sandals of anyone you wish. I had quite a strong visioning of time standing utterly still for strange otherness to occur, like in the time of fairy tales, uncertain dreams, the un-ordinary. Like dreams - when you are woken up suddenly, and just for awhile you lie there in that other place, before the=arrival of coffee, toast and comfort.

J

I always seek out your comments because, maybe, our poetry has some common threads of interest.
I must ask about mentoring on this site - I remember it was quite strong for awhile. it would be great to see that start up again.

Lavender

Hello, Jenifer,
I truly noticed the Once Upon A Time sequence right away - very clever! This has both the feeling of traveling in slow motion and the sensation of watching something happen from a distance. Haunting - but instead of fearful, it is intriguing. The last line leaves me wondering if the narrator is asleep, or in another realm - but I don't really want to know. Mesmerizing.
Thank you!
L

J

I'm so glad you noticed!

I wasn't sure whether to spell it out - so just hoped it would seen there, hiding in plain sight... like the shadows of fairy tales and otherness!

Hasn't this been a fun subject? I would never have considered a theme like this without being prompted, but our fairy stories are an ingrained part of childhood, personal narratives, archetypes AND (in my case) the cause of childhood insomnia...