My get up and go has got up and gone
It's left me way behind,
As I look through the bars of the Autumn of life
Warm memories fill my mind.
Where are the drainpipes, sharp velvet collars
Brothel Creepers, thin ties,coloured socks?
Gone, buried away as I sense the day fail
And the Reaper watches and mocks.
And the girls, Oh! the girls how we threw them around
As Bill Halley resounded through halls.
If we got lucky we took them to bed,
So drunk we barely could crawl.
But my get up and go has got up and gone.
Like hell! It's not over yet.
I'll kick that Grim Reaper as we kicked mods long ago,
There's life in the old dog yet.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Once Upon a Time" successfully employs a conversational tone, which makes it accessible and engaging to a broad audience. It effectively uses imagery and metaphor to convey a sense of nostalgia and the passage of time. The phrase "my get up and go has got up and gone" is a creative way to express the feeling of aging and losing one's youthful energy.
However, the poem could benefit from more consistent rhythm and meter. The varying line lengths and syllable counts can make the poem feel disjointed and disrupt the flow. For instance, the second stanza has lines that are significantly longer than those in the first and third stanzas. This inconsistency can be jarring for the reader.
The poem also uses a mix of specific and general imagery. While the specific images like "drainpipes, sharp velvet collars" and "Brothel Creepers, thin ties, coloured socks" add a sense of authenticity and personal experience to the poem, the more general images like "the bars of the Autumn of life" and "the Reaper watches and mocks" could be more unique and specific to the speaker's experience. This would help to deepen the emotional impact of the poem.
Lastly, the poem could explore its themes in more depth. While it effectively conveys a sense of nostalgia and the passage of time, it could delve deeper into the speaker's feelings about these experiences. This would add a layer of complexity and emotional richness to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Oh Alex, this is so good, I
Oh Alex, this is so good, I was almost singing your words.
Great ryming structure and meter. I loved the subject matter too. Ten minutes it took you, well done, have you always been fast and loose? Ruby :)
ruby,ruby
Always and still am when the chance arrives. Alex
Once Upon A Time
Hello, Alex,
Glory days, indeed. But I'm happy there's still life in the old dog!
L
Yes but the problem
Yes but the problem is the wife keeps this old dog on a leash. Alex
Love it
Dancing keeps you young and fancy free. Music is timeless and universal. At least the good stuff
Hello
Thank you Tawny, glad you enjoyed. Alex
This was
So enjoyable. We all have our glory days and yours sounded like a blast! Thank you for sharing.
The phrase!
"My get up and go has got up and gone"
Ahhh, so funny, perfectly phrased, and catchy all at the same time! This morning I have been experiencing that EXACT feeling, and putting a name to it has helped me laugh past the exhaustion. This sentence will remain part of my phraseology for the rest of my life and, hopefully, infect others. What a coinage - thank you for sharing.
Dear Alex,
I Love It!
as my get up and go has got up and gone, too! believe me, that ship has sailed! I am glad to have inspired you. May your muse continue to inspire you for all time! Like you say, "it is not over yet"! keep on keepin' on
*hugs, Cat