Anhedonia, or inability to feel pleasure,
is worse than pneumonia, with intense chest pressure,
the constant smell of ammonia,
I grow bored of this lecture,
no more of these games, the voice strains
I'm through being locked in place by chains,
and being drown in life's pains, trapped in isolation,
surrounded by walls with thick insulation,
guarded by hot anger, that deals out 3rd degree burns,
through observing others the youth learns
love and hate, influenced by karma and fate.
Can I feel anything anymore besides shame,
who else is left to take the brunt of the blame,
consumed by bittersweet depression,
it feels like a constant never-ending obsession.
The search for life's meaning, has got me ripping
my hair out screaming, innocently seeming.
How long until I am no longer lost in the middle of
longing, this is no longer invoking calm, It's a
cauldron of chaos, with a melencholic swirl, as it
whirls, and hurled my life into disorder, I put on
a stoic face as I enter my version of mordor,
It's time to pick myself up off of the floor,
and I allow myself to start a new chapter in this life.
Jul 15, 2023
Anhedonia
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Anhedonia" explores the theme of the inability to feel pleasure and the emotional struggles associated with it. The use of vivid imagery, such as comparing anhedonia to pneumonia and the constant smell of ammonia, effectively conveys the heaviness and suffocating nature of the condition. The poem also touches on themes of isolation, anger, depression, and the search for meaning in life.
One suggestion for improvement would be to pay attention to the flow and rhythm of the poem. While the poem contains impactful lines and imagery, the overall structure could benefit from a more consistent and deliberate use of meter and rhyme. This would help create a stronger sense of musicality and enhance the emotional impact of the poem.
Additionally, consider revisiting some of the metaphors and similes used in the poem. While they add depth and complexity to the piece, a few of them may be slightly confusing or require further clarification. For example, the line "through observing others the youth learns love and hate
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I loved this
I felt the internal chaos in the metaphors you used.
Especially like meloncholic swirl.. Like there is really no rhyme nor reason, but people are dragged along.
Fantastic!
Thank you for your comment I
Thank you for your comment I appreciate your feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it
The internal struggle
This poem resonates. I like how it is as chaotic as the emotions displayed. Sometimes we are our own harshest critic and that internal monologue is brutal. Well done.
I was drawn in...
by your title, it was a word that I never saw or heard before.
Of course, the first line explained it all, but I was intrigued by the thought of it!
How much of a curse could it be? This required some thought!
To never know joy! Only the pain of eventual rejection, because if one cannot feel pleasure
how then, can one share a life with another? To be constantly aware that there is something missing.
I tried to explore the sensation of a joyless relationship with family and friends. I can only imagine that a husband, wife
[if it ever got that far]; would never be satisfied with a partner that does not express the warm fuzzy feelings of happiness.
I felt the isolation of not being like other folks; knowing that you are different. I liked the intense march of lines, one after the other,
a medley of emotions that doesn't get closer to satisfaction than knowing that you have not been a harm to anyone.
In reading and rereading of this piece, I noticed a couple of little things that I thought I might point out.
In the seventh line, the tense of [drown], should be [drowned].
I like question marks, there are no question marks.
The repetition of the words [no longer] in such close proximity to each other could be fixed.
Maybe say, [This is now a cauldron of chaos]?
Otherwise, nicely done. You got me thinking. ~ Geezer.
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